As a secondary student, one of the compulsory literature texts that my set read for the West African School Certificate Examination (WASCE) was a book titled Zambia Shall Be Free by Kenneth Kaunda. Our teacher had a funny way of pronouncing Zambia. He would turn Zambia into “Zam-bi-u Shar-lll -Be Friii” by Kerr-nnerthi- Kar uuun dar”. Till today, some of my old classmates in that literature class still refer to Zambia as “Zam-bi-u”. Fond memories of those old days. Kenneth Kaunda, the author of that literature text, in which he documented the independence struggle in his country, died recently at 97. He was Zambia’s President from 1964 – 1991. There have been six Presidents in Zambia since 1964. The seventh was elected this past weekend, August 12, and it was the third time power has shifted peacefully from a ruling party to the opposition since independence. It is unfortunate that Zambia like other African countries gained flag independence from colonial rule, but the dream of concrete freedom articulated by Kaunda and other African leaders has not yet been realised. Zambia in particular has been unfortunate. Rich in copper but poor in leadership. I see the election that was concluded on August 12 as an attempt by Zambians to take back their country. They made a powerful statement about people power. They resolved that Zambians deserve to be free from the grips of corruption, nepotism, neo-colonialism and the forces of retrogression. The just-concluded parliamentary and presidential elections in Zambia offer an indication that the people’s voices and choice should matter most in a democratic process.   

It was a referendum on President Edgar Lungu’s languid leadership. When Lungu succeeded Michael Sata in 2015, he promised to put an end to nepotism and inefficiency. He was hailed as a reformist but he ended up as a hypocrite. As recently as last month, when he went to London for a Global Education Summit, he had three members of his immediate family in his entourage and he shamelessly tried to defend himself. He even forced an amendment of the Constitution to allow him have a third term in office. He is leader of a Pentecostal Assembly with a Ph. D in Theology but he ran Zambia like the chief priest of a local cult. He readily boasts about the infrastructure that he has provided, but Lungu sold the soul of Zambia’s commodity sector to the Chinese. He incurred debts. The country went into recession. Ahead of the August 12 elections, he deployed the military to intimidate the opposition. He shut down the internet. He threatened to jail Hakainde Hichilema, Presidential candidate of the main opposition party, the United Party for National Development (UPND). In 2016, Hichilema lost the Presidential contest to Lungu by a mere 100, 000 votes.

Last week, and as announced yesterday by the Zambian Electoral Commission, this time around, Lungu lost to Hichilema, 1.8 million votes (39%) to 2.8 million votes (59%). The defeated incumbent President is now saying the election was not “free and fair” and that his supporters were intimidated. The same Lungu is condemning an election that he controlled by every means possible. Zambia has a registered voter population of 7 million out of a total population of 19 million citizens. Voter turn-out was 70% on election day, mostly youths who have now sent a strong and clear message that Lungu has overstayed his welcome. Hichilema, 59, has his job cut out for him: to ensure the freedom of Zambia from the forces of neo-colonialism, economic failure, nepotism, cronyism, incompetence, COVID-19, and elite stupidity. Above all, he must learn from the mistakes of Edgar Lungu.  

Guest:

Gbolahan Charles Olojede, Bsc, MBA, ACA. Executive Director, DMA Advisory and Management Services Limited

Topic: The return of toll gates on Federal roads

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General Ibrahim Badamasi Babangida (IBB), Nigeria’s military Head of State, 1985–1993 is arguably the most controversial person to have ever led Nigeria since independence. He turns 80 next week, August 17. Ahead of that birthday, he granted an interview to Arise TV, aired Friday, August 6, which has understandably generated considerable interest.  It has been a while since Nigerians heard directly from IBB. More recent stories about him focussed on speculations about the state of his health. Given the controversial nature of his place in Nigerian history, many also obviously waited for that interview out of curiousity. There have been reactions from different quarters. The most telling reaction for me was someone making the remark that she was pleasantly surprised that IBB is still alive. I was shocked.

She added that no other Nigerian President has been more abused by Nigerians, and if curses could kill, IBB should have been long dead and forgotten. In the wake of the annulment of the 1993 Presidential election by the Babangida junta, activists in the South West rained curses on IBB. Old women stripped themselves naked, based on the general cultural belief that if an old woman curses anyone with her exposed chest, such a person is doomed for life. Hurriedly- made wooden coffins were paraded on the streets of Lagos, and mock funerals were conducted. IBB’s offence was his annulment of the 1993 Presidential election. The lady remarked that her only take-away from the Babangida interview is how God has a way of preserving the wicked. That is the kind of man IBB is. He evokes extreme passions of opposite variety with near-equal intensity. For me, the very idea of the interview alone was useful. Getting IBB to talk at all was an achievement for Arise TV, and a special career moment for Ngozi Alaegbu, the anchor.

At 80, IBB has aged quite well. His faculties remain sharp. He was articulate, and witty as ever. His responses showed maturity and diplomacy, but a closer interrogation reveals that he is still the same foxy manipulator of public perception. Nonetheless, there were parts of the interview that one could easily agree with and others that sounded rather fishy. IBB was right to have complained about how the major problem with Nigeria today is the “tyranny of the elite”. Other countries are able to move forward and achieve more than their potential, and inspire the people to greatness because of a certain elite consensus in that direction and the impact of responsible leadership. But here in Nigeria, “there is a disconnect between leadership and followership” as IBB argues. The people do not trust their leaders. The leaders themselves do not care enough.  IBB blames them for sowing the seeds of disunity in the country. What I did not hear him say is how he is one of the same leaders that he blames.

On the question of the economy, IBB expressed the view that there is too much control in running the economy and that there is need to open it up further. Perhaps he is right. Government tends to ruin every investment it manages by itself in the long run.  He says the Nigerian military is overstretched, and that for Nigeria to make any difference in the war against insecurity, our soldiers need to do more, believe in what they are fighting for, they must be well-trained, well-led and well equipped. He also talked about inconsistency in government policies. Well, that didn’t start today. There are critics who would trace that inconsistency back to the Babangida era. On the state of the Nigerian economy, IBB says the fact that the economy has not collapsed is an indication that the government is working. If the economy were to collapse, we would all be dead, the way we died a little when the Babangida administration introduced the Structural Adjustment Programme (SAP) in the mid-80s. It was also interesting to see the senior citizen defending the supremacy of the rule of law, when he said “nobody should disobey lawful orders in a democracy.” But should anyone do so at all, at any time? Under the Babangida junta, the courts were routinely disobeyed.  IBB is now a democrat defending the rule of law!   

The more common-sensical aspects of his interview should be easier for many Nigerians to deal with, but there were a few controversial points made by the retired General, and elder statesman, which have set the tone for public discourse in the last few days.  He does not consider zoning or rotational Presidency a good idea, rather he defends merit and competence, and that the democratic process must produce a candidate of merit, regardless of where such a candidate comes from. The problem with this is that there are Nigerians whose geographical zone in the country has never produced a Nigerian Head of State since the return to democracy in 1999. They want the Presidency zoned to their own area also, in line with Sections 14(3) and 14(4) of the 1999 Constitution to ensure a sense of common ownership and to allay fears of marginalization. Is IBB aware of the conversation around this? Is he aware of the Igbo agitation for Presidency? Or the position of the 17 Southern Governors in the South who have specifically demanded that the Presidency of Nigeria in 2023 must be zoned to the South? The future of Nigeria depends in part on how the matter of common rights under the law is resolved democratically and not through the mechanism of the tyranny of a minority elite.

He thinks that a “one-party state” cannot happen in Nigeria because Nigerians “will not allow it to happen”. Fact-check:  the country is already drifting towards a one-party state system with the gale of defections from other political parties into the ruling All Progressives Congress, and the looming implosion within the major opposition party, the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP). The relevance of the two-party system that IBB recommends as the best option for the country is belied by the crisis in the country’s two major political parties. The view that the various other political parties do not really matter contradicts his other views about the need to practice democracy the way it is done elsewhere.  In the United States, two political parties may be dominant but there are so many other political parties representing the views and beliefs of others, including minority groups and it is the existence of such pluralism and diversity that democracy is all about.  We should understand where General IBB is coming from. He was the architect of a political system that limited Nigeria’s democracy to two political parties: the SDP and the NRC, but that experiment failed because the reduction of Nigeria’s political system to a vague synecdoche: “a little to the left and a little to the right” made it possible for the military and civilian elite to manipulate and violate the people’s will in the 90s. Nigeria is yet to recover.

General IBB struggled to use the interview to defend his legacy and rewrite history, and he made quite a spirited effort in that direction. His repeated references to the importance of democratic rule and the supremacy of the rule of law are at best ironic and revisionist.  He tells us that the Structural Adjustment Programme (SAP) of 1986 was a sound economic policy and that his administration has been proven right. When his attention was drawn to how SAP created problems for the country, his quick response was that “other people took advantage of what we did.” SAP was the beginning of our economic woes and the root of other ills in the Nigerian society. After the introduction of SAP, which was meant to be a life-saving economic policy, Nigeria began a journey towards the precipice. The first major fuel price increase in Nigeria was under SAP in 1988. Three decades later, IBB speaks of SAP so proudly. He can do so because Nigerians tend to forget so easily. We are so tied to the present, and so troubled, memory is a burden. But anyone who lived through the period of the 80s should not forget the SAP riots of 1989. The many, including students and unionist that were murdered in cold blood. The collapse of the education system, and the gradual impoverishment of Nigerians. By the time IBB decided “to step aside” in 1993, Nigeria was no better than an accident victim on life support, with broken limbs.

It is again one of those ironies that IBB can boast that he and other members of his junta were saints compared to the present administration. He talks about how his government fought corruption. “So tell me who is better at fighting corruption?” For the benefit of those who may have forgotten, once upon a time in this country, General Babangida was considered a villain. In fact, the 1989 riot was in part a protest against institutionalised corruption!  It is a sign of how bad things have become since then that the same leader can look straight into our faces and tell us that the epithet, Maradona that was used to describe him was an acknowledgement of his “deft, political moves”. He even laughs at the oxymoronic description of his persona: “the evil genius”: “I marvel at that. The contradiction – you can’t be evil and then a genius.”” To tell ourselves the truth, yes, a genius can be evil in the deployment of his talent, and the corresponding impact. The term “Maradona” referred to his foxy and manipulative tendencies. In the quarter final match between Argentina and England in the 1986 FIFA World Cup, Argentine football genius, Diego Maradona scored a goal with his hand. He later called it “The Hand of God” goal. In these days of VAR technology in soccer, that goal would have been disqualified, but he got away with it. IBB as Nigeria’s leader was infamous for such devious manoeuvres.

But perhaps the most astonishing part of the retired military ruler’s revisionism is his excuse for the annulment of the June 12, 1993 Presidential election. He says “If it materialised, there would have been a coup d’état – which could have been violent. That’s all I can confirm. It didn’t happen thanks to the engineering and the “Maradonic’ way we handled you guys in the society. But that could have given room for more instability in the country.” Afenifere and NADECO chieftains and others have appropriately taken up General Babangida to remind him of the truth. Nigerians elected Bashorun MKO Abiola, as Nigeria’s President. The election was free and fair. For the first time in Nigerian history, a Presidential candidate secured majority votes in virtually every part of the country. It was a truly historic, myth-defying election with a high voter turn-out. But IBB and his friends truncated the process because of the fear of a coup. These were Generals who were master coup planners. IBB was so good at planning coups it was said he had taken part in every coup in Nigeria since July 1966. In 1985, he decided to take charge directly by removing Major-General Muhammadu Buhari from power.

IBB himself would not tolerate any such act of treason and treachery. When his friend, the soldier and poet, General Mamman Vatsa was implicated in a coup against the Babangida administration, IBB got him killed. The same man now tells us, he was afraid of a coup so he annulled a people’s election. He staged a coup against the people of Nigeria. MKO Abiola was his friend too. MKO died in that struggle. And now IBB dances on his grave. And on the graves of many other Nigerians who lost their lives, leaving behind widows, widowers and orphans. If this is meant to be another Maradonic move, it is important to call it out for what it is: cruelty. It would have been better if MKO Abiola had been allowed to claim his mandate. Even if a coup was organised against him, IBB owed him and the people of Nigeria a duty to make that coup impossible. Even if MKO Abiola died in that imaginary coup, it would have been on record that he died in the palace of democracy not in the hands of tyrants. How does IBB feel today, now that Buhari has recognised June 12 and MKO Abiola?

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Today, General IBB is the same man now prescribing criteria for Nigeria’s next President in 2023.  Hear him in his own words: “I have started visualising a good Nigerian leader. He should be a person who travels this country and has friends in every state of the country; a person who is very vast in the economy, a person who is a good politician who is ready to talk to Nigerians. I have seen about three already. The person should be in his 60s and I believe if we get such a person, Nigeria will get it right.” I disagree with his emphasis on an age bracket. It amounts to needless politics of exclusion. The problem with Nigerian leaders is not their biological age. It is the age of their ideas. In the United States, Bill Clinton became President at 47. President Barack Obama at 48. But after Obama, Americans elected Donald Trump, a 71-year old man. Current President Joe Biden came into office at 78.

We need a mixture of every demographic category to move Nigeria forward from the old order to a new place. But IBB is right about the knowledge of economic issues and the need to have a bridge-builder and a nationalist in office. My only worry is that Bashorun MKO Abiola met all the criteria outlined by IBB. In 1993, when he won the Presidential election, MKO was 55. He was also a man who had a great knowledge of the economy having established himself as a global entrepreneur. He was in addition, a Chartered Accountant. He also had friends from all parts of Nigeria and the entire world. No Nigerian before now fits IBB’s criteria better than MKO. As the General turns 80, is his conscience beginning to prick him, hence he recommends a future President in Abiola’s image?      

The story of Abba Kyari, the Deputy Commissioner of Police and erstwhile head of the Nigerian Police Intelligence Response Team speaks to the fate of all men who are overtaken by hubris, that flaw of character from which tragedies have been written from Sophocles to Shakespeare. Every tragic hero or anti-hero soon begins to create illusions of his or her own importance and then soon faces unexpected nemesis. Oedipus in ancient Greek mythology solved the riddle of the Sphinx, but fate caught up with him and he ended up killing his father and he married his own mother. Medea, a woman of extreme jealousy, and pride killed her own children in order to prove a point – one of the earliest feminist figures in classical literature. Agamemnon was King of Argos and also commander of the Greek army, but he was immature, unwise and emotional. This was his undoing.  He was a great warrior but he was impetuous.  Coriolanus, the Roman General could not become Consul in Ancient Rome. He waged war out of vengeance after he had been banished. Consumed by passion and vengeance, he led an assault against Rome. He eventually lost his life.  Julius Caesar was one of the most decorated leaders in ancient Rome, but he became a dictator, evoking the envy and conspiracy of his own associates.

I have taken these examples from classical literature and mythology and from Shakespearean tropes detailing an important aspect of human experience and cultural identity: how glory does not guarantee a happy ending, how man experiences the mystery of suffering in order to learn, how what is called happiness is culturally relative. Modern fictive and interpretive representations have also shown that tragedy is not only for great and well-placed persons, but that all men are flawed, and many have fallen due to hubris, not necessarily fate, but error of judgement, pride, or wrong choices. Managing one’s temptations could be the best protection but then what is life if not the rising and ebbing of the tides of time? Life ends as a comedy for many, but for others, it is a tragedy.

DCP Abba Kyari is facing a tragic moment in his career as a policeman. Like all tragic tales, he would attract the pity of friends, fear among colleagues who may well imagine that they too could suffer the same fate, as well as the empathy of a few. But the majority should draw lessons from his experience. He was arguably the most honoured police officer of his time. They called him the Super Cop. He led the Police Intelligence Unit and was acclaimed for his prowess. He was a celebrity cop too. On one occasion, he was specially recognised by Nigeria’s House of Representatives. Not many police officers in Nigeria have enjoyed such privilege. Given the trajectory of his career, no one would have been surprised if the super cop ended up as Nigeria’s Inspector General of Police. But now all that is ended. Whether Kyari is eventually extradited to face trial in a US District Court or not, the white garment of honour that he once wore has been tainted, soiled, splattered all over with palm oil.  Even if he is cleared of all wrong doings, the perception that he was fingered by the US Federal Bureau of Investigation in a matter of conspiracy to commit electronic fraud and abet criminal behaviour is bad enough. This same officer who used to be the subject of saccharine panegyrics, is now the butt of internet memes. Those who wear immaculate white attires should stay away from retailers of palm oil. The case against Kyari is that he failed to do this.

His nemesis is a certain Ramon Olorunwa Abbas, aka, Ray Hushpuppi, who is now facing a likely jail term of 20 years for engaging in high tech organised crime. Arrested by the FBI in June 2020, Hushpuppi has been singing like a canary and yelping like a puppy.  He identified Abba Kyari as one of his allies, an influential police officer in Nigeria who helped him, Hushpuppi, to arrest one of his gang members with whom he had a dispute over a deal. The FBI in the deposition that was unsealed in court on July 26 provided copious and embarrassing details of conversations between Hushpuppi and the senior police officer.  It is alleged that Kyari sent a bank account number into which money was transferred to take care of “the team” for services rendered. What service? One Kelly Vincent Chibuzor was arrested and detained for more than a month by Abba Kyari’s team. Even when it was discovered that the allegation by Hushpuppi against Chibuzor was incorrect, there was no evidence to indicate that the Super Cop took any step to get Hushpuppi sanctioned for misleading the police and for wasting the time and resources of the Nigerian State. The FBI document further indicates that Super Cop Kyari even visited Hushpuppi in Dubai as a special guest. Since these details became public, Kyari’s strongest defence is that he is completely innocent and that the only connection between him and Hushpuppi is that he helped him to sew some native wears. How on earth did a cop in charge of Nigeria’s Police Intelligence Response Unit become a tailor and fashion consultant to a man of international security interest, who by the way, flaunted obscene wealth on social media pages? Certain associations are not good for a person’s brand. The association with Hushpuppi in any form whatsoever was bad for the senior cop. Hushpuppi knows clearly that he is down. The same way he used the Nigerian Police to “discipline” one of his gang members, he has also shown no scruples in dragging policeman Aba Kyari along with him. Yesterday, matters went further South when the FBI released more information to confirm that Kyari collected N8 million in that hire-a-senior-cop case.

Whatever anyone may say, this is not good either for the country’s image. Ordinarily, Nigeria has been labelled a prolific source of potential or actual fraudsters, even when this same country has produced some of the brightest and accomplished persons in all fields of human endeavour. Few foreigners give us the benefit of the doubt. What has happened to DCP Kyari is also not good for the image of the Nigerian Police. Even before the October 2020, #EndSARS protests, the average Nigerian policeman was routinely criticised for bribe collection, brutality and abuse of human rights. It is for this reason that Kyari may not have too many people out there who are ready to sympathise with him. Since the FBI incident, there have been remarks not just about Kyari but the Nigerian Police Force: how, it is said, Nigerian policemen work with criminals, how they extort money and how any one can hire a police man to violate other people’s rights. Those who have an axe to grind with DCP Kyari have also been all over the social media further rubbing salt into his wounds. When a man is down in this life, there are many who would kick him where it hurts most. Kyari must be wondering what is happening to him. Every tragic hero eventually experiences anagnorisis and catharsis. But it is not always that a tragedy ends as a comedy.

The US District Court of Central California has issued a warrant of arrest for DCP Kyari. But it is not as easy as that. Nigeria is a sovereign state. A court in the United States cannot simply order the arrest of a Nigerian living inside Nigeria, and expect that Nigeria, as a sovereign state would simply hand over the person. The relationship between sovereigns is governed by rules and due process.  Given the weight of the allegations, and the attention the case has generated, the Inspector General of Police has ordered a probe by a 4-man Committee. The Police Service Commission which is responsible for appointments, promotion and discipline within the Police has sent Abba Kyari on suspension. Fair enough. The investigation must be thorough and transparent. Nigeria has every reason to take up this matter with all the seriousness that it deserves. Kyari committed the alleged offence in his privileged position as a Deputy Commissioner of police, and Head of Police Intelligence Response Team. Did he abuse his office as alleged? Did he conspire to commit wire fraud as an officer of the law? The “Team” referred to in the FBI document, who are members of the team? Whose bank account received the N8 million paid by Hushpuppi? Did Kyari and his team violate the Police Code of Conduct, especially with regard to Principles Six and Seven dealing with integrity and conflict of interest? What lessons can the Police itself learn from this in terms of its internal oversight processes and how police officers conduct themselves in society? Those questions would be useful for a reform of the Nigerian Police. There should be no cover up. If DCP Kyari is found guilty, he should be sanctioned accordingly and handed over to the Americans in line with extradition processes. DCP Kyari should have his lawyers on standby. Everything that he represents is at stake.

I find it completely odious however, that there has been a useless attempt to read ethnic and political meanings into Kyari’s travails.  The Arewa Youth Consultative Forum (AYCF) was reported in the newspapers yesterday as saying the FBI’s plan to arrest Kyari is “totally unacceptable”, and that “nothing must happen to him”. The AYCF further said “all Nigerians who are truly patriotic should stand behind a man who has made an unrivalled mark on the sands of time by diligently serving his fatherland” … because the FBI’s proposed arrest is “an attempted intimidation of a police officer right inside his independent fatherland”. The statement is credited to Alhaji Yerima Shettima, described as AYCF President. Such drivel coming from anyone at all is shocking! If that doesn’t shock you enough, then consider the more laughable intervention of the Miyetti Allah Cattle Breeders Association of Nigeria (MACBAN). MACBAN is accusing the US FBI of colluding with some leaders in Southern Nigeria to indict police officer Abba Kyari and the Northern Elders Forum (NEF) of folding its hands and failing to defend “sons of the North who have distinguished themselves in different fields (and) are constantly being persecuted and maligned at the height of their careers.” One Dr. Garus Gololo speaking on behalf of MACBAN added that “The United States is the most dishonest country in the world. What they are doing to Kyari, they did it to Al Gore. Let him stand firmly and defend himself because he is Nigeria’s future Inspector General of Police, and he mustn’t allow himself to be rattled.”

Dr Garus Galolo’s garrulousness on a subject he knows nothing about is absurd. He should shut up. Ethnicity is not the important issue in the Kyari case. The FBI does not care about whether he is from the North or the South. Apparently, the leaders of the NEF are more discerning and that is why they have been silent and watching. Dr Galolo may well be accused of trying to incite cattle breeders against the US and the NEF. The security agencies have a duty to investigate his claims. What has Kyari’s travails got to do with cattle rearing? The AYCF should also be reminded that the FBI is not interested in the dangerous little games we play here in Nigeria with ethnicity. Kyari does not represent the North. He is a police officer being accused of roguish conduct. And that point about some Southern leaders colluding with the FBI: How?

If this would be of any comfort: there was actually a semblance of Federal Character and diversity to the names mentioned in the Hushpuppi/Kyari case. The affidavit sworn to by Andrew John Innocenti, special agent with the FBI mentions the following names: Ramon Olorunwa Abbas (Nigerian/Yoruba), Abdulrahman Imran Juma (Kenyan), Vincent Kelly Chibuzo (Nigerian/probably Igbo);  Abba Alhaji Kyari (Nigerian/ Kanuri),  Rukayat Motunrayo Fashola (Nigerian/Yoruba) and Bolatito Tawakalitu Agbabiaka (Nigerian/Yoruba), all accused of conspiracy to commit wire fraud and conspiracy to engage in money laundering. At paragraphs 23 -30, the investigator identifies Abba Kyari and establishes his connection with Hushpuppi with copious references to phone numbers, conversations, newspaper articles and account numbers. So, where is the collusion with the FBI to ridicule a “Northern star?” But that is Nigeria. We play politics with everything. Instead of focussing on key issues, we reduce everything to ethnic identity. We need to know that when persons conspire to do wrong things, they don’t operate on the basis of their ethnic origins. They are united by a common purpose that is beyond ethnicity or religion. In this matter, a Ramon is caught in the same web with a Vincent and a Rukayat and Tawakalitu. They are united by a different purpose.

This cautionary point is also meant for the People’s Democratic Party (PDP). The party’s spokesperson has launched an attack on the Buhari administration over the Kyari matter. Must we play politics with everything?  No. It is enough to insist that nothing should be swept under the carpet and that due process must be strictly followed. This is not a Buhari matter. Kyari must answer his father’s name.

There are more lessons. The Nigerian Police can learn a lot from the diligence and professionalism of the US FBI. The depositions were first taken to court in February, again in April, but the contents were only unsealed in July. Nothing leaked. The document did not suddenly vanish from where it was kept. There was no reported case of arson that would have led to the destruction of valuable evidence. The FBI monitored conversations across long distances and gathered evidence.  Young Nigerians for whom the indecent display of wealth is a major attraction should remember the stories of Hushpuppi, Invictus and all such characters and have a glimpse of their own future undoing. Hushpuppi was so popular on Instagram; many young Nigerians wanted to be like him. He wore Gucci, Louis Vuitton, Versace and displayed exotic cars. Today, he is in a lonely place. He is so lonely. He is singing and sinking. Let the law take its full course then. We hear DCP Kyari has been promptly replaced by DCP Tunji Disu as Head of the Police Intelligence Response Team. That’s life. 

“Ore, I looked for you yesterday? Where were you?”

“I dey for house now? Where I for dey?”

“I actually thought you had gone to a court somewhere to do amebo. You know you like to poke-nose into other people’s matters? And yesterday was a special, historic day, with four court cases that generations yet unborn will read about”

“You have started again. You are actually the real Mr. Amebo of Nigeria. Every little thing you are ever-ready like Ever Ready Battery to do chor chor chor. Don’t you ever get tired?”

“Ever Ready Battery. Ha. You don’t forget things. Do they still make such batteries? That was when Nigeria was Nigeria and the manufacturing sector produced so much locally, and people had jobs and the country was prosperous. My uncle used to go to London almost every weekend. Money was not a problem. Nigeria itself was ever ready. But now see see…the country is a shadow of its former self. That is why you have so many angry youths all over the place. They have no sense of values. They have no memory of Nigeria’s greatness. They have been brought up on a diet of Satanic negativity.”

“Ï know. I know. I still hear some people talk about Ever Ready though. But do you know when I tried to look for Ever Ready Batteries the other day, it turned out what they now call ever ready was some sort of aphrosidiac, some kind of herbal concoction that is supposed to increase your libido, result in instant enlargement and give you unimaginable joy of celestial proportions. It was actually a woman that recommended it to me.”

“Ha. A woman. Your battery failed, and they recommended Ever Ready. I know. I know. Nigeria has become a house of sin. You are talking about a multi-billion-dollar business, by the way. From Suruka to Surutu, Kolagbo, Osomo, Koboko, Techno, Monkey Tail. Pasa-Bitters, Erujeje,..”

“Ëx-cu-se me?”

 “Wafekulaleyi, Ali Baba, Wasalaye, Baby Oku, Kick and Start, Oga Nla, Jeko mo, Agbara, Dorobucchi, Opa Eyin, Dadubule, Pakurumo, Bajinotu, 301, Stone, Jabra, Japata, Jakomu….”

“Can you stop? I don’t want to talk about aphrodisiacs and the obsession of Nigerians with sin.”

“That is your problem. It is not every thing that is about big grammar. I am giving you an idea of how Nigeria has failed. How a country that used to produce scientists and intellectuals is now producing a generation of celebrities and heroes who are making billions from selling sex or beer and pleasure. We have become a nation of consumers of all sorts of depravity. We are no longer a nation of producers of ideas or executors of grand schemes. Old money in Nigeria was represented by the productive class. New money is dominated by a generation of consumers, exhibitionists and their mad, bad agents.”

“Look, this man, leave me alone. Whoever wants to drink whatever with their mouths should go ahead and do so. Our only point of agreement is that something terrible has happened to this country, and things could get worse, morally, politically and socially if we do not exercise caution and care. We need to remind ourselves of basic normative values and have a conversation around that.  You see all this your beer parlour, street talk, won’t help.”

“Dey there. Dey there dey form. We are all human beings at the end of the day, I beg. You mean you don’t know that it is the entire world that has gone mad? Humanity has crossed the point of no return. That is why some wealthy men are already planning to relocate to outer space. Elon Musk. Jeff Bezos. When the human planet fails, they will enter their space jets and escape. Na you and me and people like us go remain for this Earth. Our only problem is that we will be stuck in this place called Nigeria, in the midst of rapists, kidnappers, bandits, terrorists, corporate thieves, drug barons, yahoo masters, and vote-riggers.”

“Not even Alvin Toffler was this pessimistic in The Future Wave.”

“Toffee what? Who is that?”

“Never mind. Never mind.  You are not likely to know someone like that. You were talking about court cases before you digressed in your usual manner. You need to see a therapist. What about the courts?”

“I told you there were four major court cases yesterday that were of historic and significant interest, and I wanted to know whether you attended any one of them?”

“Why should I? I told you I was at home. Which cases are these?”

“You don’t mean it? Don’t go and say this in public please. People will think you have a problem.”

“I don’t get it”

“Okay let me help you out because you are too young to have dementia. Yesterday, in Abuja, Nnamdi Kanu’s case came up again at the court of Justice Binta Nyako. He was not produced in court. The security agents did not allow his supporters to even approach the court premises. At a point the Court was even closed. Lawyers were shut out of court. Imagine! His lawyers were not even notified according to due process. There were security men all over the place, harassing journalists and every one. People were arrested.”

“Hen Hen.”

“I thought you would have been there to observe and analyze the situation”

“To get involved in a matter before the court? How? That would be sub judice”

“That is not the issue here. This is a political trial. The issue is self-determination which is recognized under Article 1 of the UN Charter.”

“I am sorry, I can’t discuss this matter with you. Whatever I say will be misinterpreted by an illiterate, rampaging, insecure mob. We have lost the culture of reason and debate in this country. Every one is in their own ethnic capsule. A country that has destroyed its intellectual class is in real danger. This is what has happened to Nigeria. You were looking at Nigeria from the perspective of human libido, I am sorry, the bigger tragedy is the apparent death of ideas and the failure of capacity to think even among the most educated.”

“Who needs education anymore in this country? Just make money. Take aphrodisiacs. Dominate women and men and recruit idiots with all sorts of fake certificates and titles to worship you. That is the new Nigeria. What do you think of self-determination?”

“Ï have nothing against self-determination. It is a universal right recognized under Article 1 of the 1949 UN Charter. Many countries have broken up: India in 1947, Pakistan broke up in 1971 to produce Bangladesh, in 1776, the United States emerged out of the UK, in 1965, Singapore rose out of Malaysia, in 1993, the old Czechoslovakia became two countries: Czech Republic and Slovakia. Sudan and South Sudan used to be one country.”

“So what are you saying?”

“Ï am not saying anything. Read my lips. It is in a neutral mode. The way this country is today, you won’t know what you’d say it will be misinterpreted. That is what I was telling you earlier: the bigger tragedy in Nigeria today is the triumph of intolerance and abnormality. There is a supremacy of the lunatic fringe at work, playing all kinds of games: ethnic, political, cultural and opportunistic. When you say something, they twist it. When you don’t say anything, they put words in your mouth and use that to blackmail you. They are so energetic, the only conclusion you can reach is that this is now a country in the grips of mass psychosis. We need help.”

“So, is that why you didn’t go to Abuja?”

“Ï cannot answer that question. Did you go there yourself? Too many of you want other people to act and speak on your behalf in the public space but you are all busy acting like cowards and paid hacks. Many don’t even have the courage to bear their own father’s names. I am all in support of justice, fairness and due process, but nothing beyond that.”

“But what of Cotonou? Did you follow the court trial of Chief Sunday Adeyemo, popularly known as Sunday Igboho?”

“Yes, I did, as an observer”

“You mean you were there, physically?”

“No”

“Why not?”

“Ï don’t have to be anywhere physically to know what is going on. Every revolution is on television.”

“But you know, I think it is a shame that Nigeria that used to be described as the giant of Africa is now having such domestic issues that every body is now talking about how Kenya got involved in Nigeria’s affairs, and how Republic of Benin, the same Benin that is generally regarded as the 37^th State of Nigeria is now a major factor in Nigerian matters. How are the mighty fallen?”

“Kenya and Benin are sovereign states. They are independent jurisdictions.  I know there are many rich Nigerians who go about boasting that the President of some African countries are their boys and Personal Assistants but it is important to know that at critical moments those same countries will assert themselves as sovereign states.”

“You mean the Republic of Benin next door will disobey the Nigerian government?”

”The last time I checked Kenya and Benin Republic are sovereign states. Nigeria is not in a position to dictate to them. Benin even has a different justice system. Its leaders would rather listen to France, their former colonial masters, certainly not Nigeria.”

“If they misbehave in Benin, common Benin, we can shut down our borders against them.”

“The last time you did, what happened? Did Benin disappear as a country?”

“You are supporting Benin Republic against Nigeria? You are one of the hidden secessionists?”

“I am not going nowhere. I am here. Na inside Nigeria I go live and die. You push me, I push am, na inside Nigeria I go live and die.”

“The more reason you should take a stand.”

“Äre you deaf? This country is becoming very tough. We all have to be very careful”

“The man dies in all who keep silent in the face of tyranny.”

“You try. Too many Nigerians quoting statements they know nothing about.”

“You are professing cowardice. We must take our country back.”

“Why not? Go ahead. Just let me be.”

“With the way you are talking, I am sure you did not even bother to show interest in Baba Ijesha’s case on Monday? The rape case involving the Nollywood actor who was accused of raping an under-aged girl and who is now facing trial?”

“The case is now in court. It is before the judicial system. I don’t support rape or violence of any sort. But why should my going to court be an issue?”

“As a concerned citizen”

“Me?”

“Yes”

“No. Were you there yourself? Marketer of Surutu and Suruka? Is that not the same case where one Babalawo predicted the death of one actress and he, the Babalawo died before the trial began and the actress whose death he predicted was all over the court yesterday?”

“What has that got to do with you?”

“Everything. I am a Christian. I don’t walk near the valley of the shadow of Death. Those Nollywood people, their own matter na aye mo juba.”

“You are just a coward. But how about the fourth case? Yesterday Uduak Akpan, the killer of Iniobong Umoren was arraigned before a State High Court in Uyo, Akwa Ibom State. He pleaded guilty.”

“Am I a spirit? You want me to be in Abuja, Cotonou, Lagos, and Uyo in one day. Look at this way: Inside Buhari’s Nigeria, everything don spoil”

“I hear say him don travel sef. He don go London.”

“Can you see now that you are a bad person? With all the things you have been saying, the man that Nigerians elected as President decided to leave town the same day, and you are asking me to put my head.”

“He went to London for medical check-up and a virtual conference about how these matters can be addressed.”

“Wh-a-at nonsense is that? How can a President go to London for a virtual conference? Don’t we have internet in Nigeria?”

“He is not alone. The President of Malawi also travelled to London with a 10-person delegation for the same virtual conference because the internet in his country is bad...”

“You are not making sense. Okay, me I dey here for Nigeria.”

“Doing what?”

“Keeping safe. Chopping isi ewu. And watching the Olympics”

“Olympics? You think Nigeria can win anything?”

“The Olympics is not about winning. It is about participating and the spirit of being part of it. Team Nigeria does not need to win anything”

“Don’t write them off. It is too early to do so.”

“But the country is not in a winning mode. That is why the other thing I do these days is to watch Big Brother Nigeria Season 6.”

“I thought you used to criticize the programme.”

“Yes. But the kind of girls that are on that programme this time around, e be like say dem get special craze. I need some therapy. Watching them alone calms down my nerves.”

“You see you are also a sinner like the rest of us. You dey watch Abeg and Patricia.”

“I confess, bros. Go see those girls first. Something dey there, no be small.”

The sociology of death and funerals is an important aspect of the African cosmogony. Parents pray that their children should outlive them in order to give them a befitting burial. They liken this to the same manner when fire dies out in the hearth, it is replaced by ashes, and when a banana tree withers, a sapling sprouts in its place. When Africans die, it is believed that they have merely travelled to another realm, and become ancestors, and hence, a funeral ceremony is a send-forth event. The death of a young person however, is considered a tragedy. This is why such obituaries are prefaced with the solemn declaration that “The wicked have done their worst”, “We love you but the Lord loves you more” or “A Painful Exit.” The tone of the elegy at a funeral is thus a function of the circumstances of the death, or the religious inclination of the family as in “With Total Submission to the Will of God…”, “Inna Lillahi wa inna Ilayhi Raji’un”. Age is indeed a factor. If the dead lived up to an old, ripe age, you are likely to see such announcements as “A Glorious Exit”, “With Gratitude for a Life Well Spent” or “Ä Celebration of Life”.

Among the Yoruba of the South West, the death of an old man or woman is described as “oku eba”, that is - a transition that is worth celebrating, with generous dollops of cassava paste. Other groups in the country also have varying patterns of burying their dead. Among Muslims generally, the burial of the dead is carried out swiftly in line with Islamic injunctions. The simplicity of Muslim burials, the solemnity and dignity of it, is incomparable to anything else I have seen, even if Muslims in the South West of Nigeria, still find an excuse to throw lavish parties that have more to do with the culture of the people, rather than the religion. One dictionary describes the Yoruba as the “fun-loving people of the South West Nigeria.” But in general, the manner of burials, the scope of the rites, the scale and tone, is a reflection of cultural norms and dominant values, at both community and individual levels across Nigeria. What is noteworthy is how the loss of a beloved family member could suddenly end up as a celebration, and the explanation for that is as complicated and diverse as the Nigerian society itself.

In this regard, something happened last week, in Oba, Anambra State, Nigeria: the funeral of the mother of a man popularly known as Obi Cubana, which would seem to be a metaphor for the collapse of values in Nigeria generally, the effect of poverty – spiritual, mental and physical – and how that pushes the people to desperate ends. The burial of Cubana’s mum may be seen as a form of celebration, she died at 75, but it was a lavish send-forth that was terribly obscene. The town of Oba has certainly never witnessed anything like that. Not even in the entire Anambra state has anyone organised anything so loud and extravagant. This was not a celebration of life. It was a celebration of Money. Obi Cubana’s mother died in November 2020. It took him more than seven months to plan the burial and when he decided that it was time for the dead to be sent forth, his obvious intention was to organise the mother of all burials, such that even the living would envy the dead and wish to die. The only problem is that not many Nigerians would rather die knowing that it is not every one that would ever get that kind of burial. Oba is ordinarily a quiet town of nine villages, located between the commercial town of Onitsha and the industrial town of Nnewi. During the civil war, it was the last frontier of the Biafran Army. But that community will now be remembered for a long time, for the burial of the mother of a certain Obi Cubana. The role played by the social media, and by Cubana’s friends is remarkable: how a country lost its moral centre and has produced a generation of new Nigerians who worship money, ego, kudi. The excitement generated among young Nigerians who could not make it to Oba but who followed the event on social media and became excited, is a measure of the extent of the crisis that Nigeria faces.

By Friday, the spectacle had begun to unfold. Social media managers of the burial who apparently had been engaged to do so – they are called influencers – told us and showed pictures, about the Obi Cubana Festival of Money. The first of the videos that I saw was that of a young man throwing Naira notes around, on the streets as if he was distributing candies to children. The notes were in packs, crisp new notes, and as each bundle was thrown at the crowd, people fell over themselves and rushed to pick up pieces. This was like a John the Baptist display. Many of Cubana’s friends and guests would soon arrive, and before they did, many of them posted on Instagram, the stacks of money they were going to spend. Cartons of Naira notes. In one post, a group of women were shown swimming in a pool, others were hanging around, scantily dressed, all looking like they had adjusted their biological features. That is now standard practice among a category of Nigerian women.  They do a breast job, acquire a surgical, traffic-stopping butt, and they all look alike, fully bleached to their knuckles, with fake hair, strange eyelashes that protrude like pins, and of course foreign accents that have a combination of every dialect from Wales to mid-West America.

The boys by the pool threw money into the water and the girls scrambled to grab their share of the offering. This was the pattern throughout the burial. Naira notes, sorry bundles of Naira, were thrown about, sprayed, pasted so recklessly you would think this was a future Olympics Game, in which the athletes were preparing for a Gold Medal. Obi Cubana himself was at the centre of it all. One lady, simply identified as Livy was shown in one video throwing so many bales of money at Cubana that he exclaimed that he would need a Chest X-Ray! The way money was being thrown like pieces of cement blocks, I also thought that an ambulance should have been on standby. “Killed by money at Cubana’s mother’s burial” would have been an appropriate headline in the circumstance. The public was later informed that Obi Cubana got about 300 million Naira as contributions by his friends to bury his mother. He also received over 100 rams, and 400 cows, 46 out of that was supplied by one guy called Cubana Priest who not only announced the donation but also said that was just a tip of the iceberg.

Cubana himself did not disappoint. He wore a diamond pendant that was valued at N50 million. His mother’s casket, specially imported from wherever was said to have been about N40 million.  This celebration of money was so unbelievable, the burial became a matter for social media punditry and the creation of emojis. Some people said it was certain Obi Cubana’s mother was already in Heaven as a saint, sitting on the right-hand side of the Almighty. Nobody has been to Heaven to confirm that, so we have no proof. Others said with the volume of money spent at the funeral, the Nigerian government should henceforth approach Obi Cubana for a loan and stop disturbing China, IMF and the World Bank. Other observers were worried about the source of the money that was being thrown around like confetti. Nigerian banks would also readily tell you that they don’t have new notes. They give out dirty notes to their customers. But there were more crisp, mint notes in circulation at Oba over the weekend than in the entire Nigerian banking system. And the notes were abused.

The Central Bank Act of Nigeria – Sections 5, 21 (4-5) prescribe penalties for the abuse of the country ‘s national currency. The law forbids the sale, purchase, and the plunking of the Naira, and prescribes penalties: six months imprisonment or a fine of N50, 000 or both. The penalties are so light, I don’t think they mean anything to Cubana and his friends or their likes.  And why should that bother them anyway when the Oba funeral was attended by the same law enforcement officers who should know that it is an offence to abuse the Naira (truth is: policemen joined others to collect the notes that dropped on the floor), and there were lawmakers and prominent politicians in attendance too. In fact, nobody should be surprised if Cubana ends up as a Governor or Senator tomorrow. He has effectively used his mother’s burial to prove a point: that he has cash and the courage to spend it. Nigerians worship money. And that was why throughout the weekend: the popular saying was: who no dey Oba, na wahala him get? Women were turned into objects and debased. Whoever had not seen his girlfriend or wife was advised to go to Oba in Anambra State. And there was a particular video of one lady who collected up to three big bags of money, by just picking money from the floor like a mendicant! Nollywood stars fell over themselves to be seen and heard. One respected actor even got so carried away he began to act like an Area Boy on Instagram. I won’t mention his name because he is a man I like very much. Money is a Devil in Nigeria. It turns even the most enlightened into clowns.

At Obi Cubana’s mother’s burial, so-called celebrities, some of these characters who describe themselves as brands (whatever that means!) became ushers, bodyguards, “all-right-sirs” and videographers. Obi Cubana has every right to bury his mother the way he wants. But who is he? How did he make his money? How much tax does he pay to the Nigerian government? The Oba burial is over now, but the only thing anybody will remember is the Bacchanal orgy of money. I am not sure half of the people at the event even know who Cubana’s mother was. What kind of person was she? How did she relate within the community? Did she even ever see, handle, spend, a bundle of crisp Naira notes in her lifetime? Who are Obi Cubana’s family members? Does he even have siblings or extended family members? They were all blanked out! Members of the Oba community were advertised as crumb eaters. They struggled to grab the Naira notes that were thrown into the air. They stared at the money-miss-road invaders from a distance. When it was all over and the waka-come-Cubana crowd left, they struggled over the left-over crumbs of cow-meat barbecue. They were effectively reminded of their poverty.

Obi Cubana would probably not visit that community again until he needs to organise another show-off. Would it not have been better if he built a hospital in his mother’s memory? Or a school? Or a church? And then the people will remember her, and not how her son and his friends put money to shame at her funeral. And who are these friends? The kind of names that have been mentioned sound unfamiliar to me: E-Money, Internet Money, Pablo Cubana, Escoba, Jowizaza, Livy, Cubana Priest. Is the Nigerian Immigration Service, in charge of aliens and expatriates, the Nigerian Identity Management Commission (NIMC) in charge of National Identity Registration and the Ministry of Internal Affairs, in charge of Homeland Security, aware of the presence of these people inside Nigeria? Who are they? And why do they spend money like that? Not even Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, Bill Gates, or Warren Buffet will throw money around like that!

The burial of Otunba Mike Adenuga’s mother in 2005 has been compared to that of Cubana’s mother’s burial, and certainly Otunba Adenuga should feel maligned. It is an unintelligent comparison. The point that has been made is that when Adenuga was burying his mother he donated a cow to every street in Ijebu-Igbo, his home town. Yeah. But there were no drunkards throwing bales of money on the streets or cleavage-bearing women, bleached from head to toe, with artificial physiognomy and a mass of excessive protoplasm, promenading here and there, with shameless, bedmatic display. Last weekend, we saw a new definition of womanhood in Oba.    

My point is about taste, class and values, not melodrama, or the right of persons to live as they wish. And here, I also draw attention to the burial about the same time of the mother of the former Managing Director of Access Bank, Aigboje Aig-Imoukhuede, which took place in Lagos at the Tafawa Balewa Square. The contrast is striking but I bring it up because it also says something about Nigeria: the emergence of two polarized publics, both of seemingly strong weight and whose difference lies is the inherited future of our children because of the way Nigerian leaders have failed the people. The burial of Apostle Mrs Aig Imoukhuede was a dignified, classy event attended by the Nigerian establishment from politics to business and civil society.  It was the celebration of a woman who achieved distinction in her own right and whose accomplishments in that regard were properly show-cased. The funeral was not about her first son, the banker, investor, philanthropist, friend of every important figure. It was, most appropriately, a celebration of her life. Nobody had any need to throw money around. Even if Mrs Imoukhuede was a trader at Oyingbo market, there would have been no need to turn her funeral into a festival of money. And yet the richest and most influential Nigerians with the strongest pedigree were there. One weekend, two burials, different tales!  I leave it to you to stretch the comparison. I have made my point: Nigeria is in trouble. Young Nigerians, products of a failed leadership, worship money and fakery. The gentrified class train their children in the best schools abroad, but those same children will return to a country that would have been taken over by the Oba crowd who are sadly, the future of Nigeria. Obi Cubana, and Aig Imoukhuede, our commiserations.

It is not often that cases before a court of law become so important that they get discussed in beer parlours, open places, other rooms and generate so much public attention beyond the court room, even after judgment has been delivered by a court of competent jurisdiction. But it happens, presenting, relative to context, the spectacle of concurrence and/or populism or a conflict between the court of law and the court of public opinion. This in itself is a reaffirmation of the role of the judicial system as a social modulator, beyond strict positivism, rather than a derogation from the relevance of the judiciary. Such cases are known in legal circles as “cause celebre” either for the attendant popularity and public interest or the precedence that they establish. Nigeria found itself confronted with such a case recently with the decision taken by the Court of Justice Taiwo Taiwo (Federal High Court, Abuja) in the matter between Oluwakemi Adeosun, former Minister of Finance of the Federal Republic of Nigeria and the Attorney General of the Federation. This is an interesting case that has the prospects of becoming a locus classicus, in its present form or on appeal (if that happens) with regard to the issues of citizenship, appointments into public office and participation in Nigeria’s National Youth Service Corps Scheme (NYSC). I will tone down the legalisms involved, but what are the facts before us and what conclusions can we draw from this particular case?

In November 2015, Kemi Adeosun, born in 1967 in London, England, to Nigerian parents from Ogun State Nigeria, was appointed Nigeria’s Minister of Finance by the Muhammadu Buhari administration. Before that appointment, she had worked in the United Kingdom as an accounting assistant at British Telecom, London, also at Goodman Jones as a senior audit officer, as a manager at London Underground, and later at Prisms Consulting. She was also a senior manager at PricewaterhouseCoopers. In 2002, she returned to Nigeria and took up an appointment as a Financial Controller with Chapel Hill Denham Management. She became Managing Director of that company in 2010. In 2011, Adeosun was appointed Commissioner of Finance in Ogun State by then Governor Ibikunle Amosun who promised to turn around the fortunes of his home-state. Four years later, Kemi Adeosun was further elevated when she ended up as Nigeria’s Minister of Finance, after President Buhari and Governor Amosun won a second term in office as President and Governor respectively.  

It was widely assumed Mrs Adeosun earned that promotion due to Amosun’s influence. Amosun is a well-known Buhari ally and a prominent member of the ruling party. As Minister of Finance of Nigeria, Adeosun, an Economics graduate of the University of East London and a Chartered Accountant with the Institute of Chartered Accountants in England and Wales, further ended up as Chairman of the Board of the African Export-Import Bank (AfreximBank). Her profile was something made out of a fairy tale: amazing, well supported.     

In 2018, that fairy-tale turned sour when an online newspaper, Premium Times Online alleged that Mrs Adeosun illegally obtained her NYSC exemption certificate. In Nigeria, no citizen, who is a graduate, is allowed to be employed in either the private or public sector, without having gone through a mandatory one-year national service. This requirement is spelled out in Section 12 of the NYSC Act and embedded in the 1999 Constitution. Premium Times, after calling out Mrs Adeosun, promised to conduct an investigation. And it did, with unsavoury outcomes. This generated tension, ethnic politicking and a heavy dose of blame game. In the middle of all that, and the ugly implications for the integrity of the Buhari administration, Kemi Adeosun resigned from her position as Nigeria’s Minister of Finance on September 14, 2018. Her resignation letter, addressed to President Muhammadu Buhari is available online. But let me quote the following paragraph from it. She writes: “I have today become privy to the findings of the investigation into the allegation made in an online medium that the Certificate of Exemption from National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) that I had presented was not genuine. This has come as a shock to me and I believe that in line with this administration’s focus on integrity, I must do the honourable thing and resign.”

Kemi Adeosun’s resignation was an unusual thing to do in Nigeria. Most of her compatriots would never have done so.  Resign from such a “juicy position” as Nigerians call it? No! But she did. And there were questions about whether she jumped or she was pushed. Other questions were asked: was she set up and sacrificed by the same man who made her Minister of Finance, her former boss, Governor Amosun? Did she herself get too big for her boots, and forgot her own beginnings? Who blew the whistle about her NYSC Exemption Certificate? As pundits went to town, Adeosun left town. She has now returned three years later, with a bang. A month ago, she got a generous mention in the newspapers as the founder of a Foundation – “the Dash Me Store”, an online thrift-for-charity initiative that she has now established to support the vulnerable in society. It was her first major public appearance in 3 years. And it wasn’t meant to be just one of those events.  Vice President Yemi Osinbajo was in attendance for all the possible symbolic reasons, as Chair of the occasion. That was great optics. Adeosun may have left the country in 2018 for controversial reasons, but she has returned on a high note, with perfect timing.  

For me, this was particularly confirmed by the court ruling dated the 7^th Day of July 2021 in suit No: FHC/ABJ/CR/303/2021 between Folakemi Adeosun - (Plaintiff) and Attorney General of the Federation – (Defendant) before His Lordship Hon. Justice Taiwo O. Taiwo in the Federal High Court of Nigeria, Abuja Judicial Division. As it were, Kemi Adeosun had approached the Federal High Court to seek declaratory reliefs to the effect that (i) she was not under any constitutional disadvantage or prohibition at the time of her appointment as Minister with regard to her participation in the NYSC scheme, (ii) she cannot be subjected to any disability or disadvantage on the ground that she did not participate in the NYSC and that ((iii) being a United Kingdom Citizen as at 1989 when she graduated from the University of East London, UK, at the age of 22 years, she was ineligible to participate in Nigeria’s NYSC. The learned Judge observed as follows:  “In brief the fact of this case is that sometime in 2018, while the plaintiff was serving as the Minister of Finance of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, it was being paraded in the public space that she did not participate in the NYSC scheme and as such ought to have been disqualified from holding the office.  It was further alleged that the said insinuations have remained unabated, thereby, consistently putting the plaintiff at disadvantageous positions in the pursuit of her career, both within and outside the country, this has therefore necessitated the plaintiff to file this action.”  Counsel for the defendant relying on Section 12 of the NYSC Act and Sections 147 (5) and 192 (4) of the 1999 Constitution responded accordingly. The Court decided in favour of the plaintiff and granted the declaratory reliefs in her prayers before the Court.  The ruling has been heavily criticised in the court of public opinion, and that has generated as much interest as the substance of the case itself.

First, there is this argument that the court did not address the issue of certificate forgery which was the basis for Mrs Adeosun’s resignation in the first place. Those who push this line of argument forget that this was not the matter before the court. A court of law is not duty bound to embark on a voyage of discovery or offer what has not been pleaded before it with admissible evidence. Procedure is critical in law and in common parlance, the court is not a Father Christmas. In this matter, a civil suit by the way, Kemi Adeosun had approached the court to protect her reputation, to which she claims much damage had been done by the circumstances of her exit from the Nigerian government in September 2018. It is perfectly within her rights to do so, one’s reputation being so fundamental to everything else.

Second, some persons have expressed concern about the citizenship question raised in the ruling. They ask: Granted that as of 1989, when she graduated Kemi Adeosun was not a citizen of Nigeria, and therefore ineligible for participation in the NYSC scheme, under the then extant 1979 Constitution, when she then returned to Nigeria to work, what steps did she take to become a Nigerian citizen? They point out that the 1999 Constitution after all, does not automatically confer citizenship. There is a proper definition of citizenship under Chapter 3 of the 1999 Constitution, so at what point exactly did Mrs Adeosun become a Nigerian? And how could she have been appointed a state Commissioner of Finance and later, a Federal Minister if there was no understanding that she had become a Nigerian citizen although entitled to dual nationality?  And why would she sue the Attorney General of the Federation? Again, these questions were not raised by the defence counsel before Justice Taiwo Taiwo. The issues for determination were clear and specific. What has been offered is a technical, Constitutional interpretation of what the law says with regard to participation in the National Youth Service Corps Scheme of Nigeria,  and the legal status in that regard of all persons, of Nigerian parentage but foreign nationality, caught between the 1979 and 1999 Constitutions with regard to eligibility to participate in the scheme and the question of their citizenship. But does the ruling of the Court meet public expectations? No.

Third: Will the office of the Attorney General of the Federation appeal this ruling? I doubt. Will the Federal Government now file a suit to accuse the former Minister of Finance of the forgery of a certificate that everyone is saying is the main issue? Hmm. That won’t happen. This is Nigeria. Mrs Kemi Adeosun’s reputation with regard to the NYSC matter has been judicially restored, and all insinuations about her involvement in this quasi political-legal tango have been laid to rest. Her brother Dele Ogun has been quoted as saying Premium Times, the online newspaper, has questions to answer. So, should she sue Premium Times that generated the storm in the first place? She shouldn’t bother.  There is no point fighting a battle she can’t win. Only the naïve would pick up battles with the media like those thick-headed characters who believe that they can restrict the freedom of information in society. I hope their advisers have seen the robust push-back by the Nigerian media community which started yesterday. Nigerian newspapers are now carrying placards against the government: from front-page advertorials to editorials!

It has been said that Kemi Adeosun’s legal victory is a victory for all Nigerians who were born abroad before the 1999 Constitution and who do not have to participate in the NYSC. Except that this is one case where the law does not answer all the questions. It must indeed be a fit and proper thing to serve one’s country, or even die for it. The NYSC was introduced in 1973, to move Nigeria beyond the pains and tragedy of the civil war and to promote national unity and integration. If things were normal, there would have been no reason for anyone to avoid the opportunity to serve the country. Kemi Adeosun was 22 in 1989, and she was not a Nigerian citizen. When she returned to Nigeria in 2013 at the age of 34, she was already beyond the age of eligibility for the NYSC. She has now succeeded in proving her case in court. But other foreign-born Nigerians with an eye on the future should study her case closely and learn a critical lesson about the importance of one’s roots. They need to realise that the Adeosun case does not automatically offer them any protection under the law. Adeosun probably never imagined that she would ever have anything to do with public life in Nigeria.

Many Nigerians in diaspora, a growing generation of children with Nigerian parents and foreign citizenship often overlook the umbilical manner in which they are linked to Nigeria by blood. They are proud to say that they have nothing to do with Nigeria and that they belong to other countries. But the pull of home and ancestral roots is forever strong. Most of the athletes in the D’Tigers Basketball team who represented Nigeria a few days ago and made history beating Team USA, the most dominant basketball team in the world, probably do not have a Nigerian passport, and may never have been to their ancestral home. They wore shirts emblazoned with the message: “Naija no dey carry last”. They stepped up and proved it. Every Nigerian child born in diaspora should look beyond Kemi Adeosun’s legal victory. A sense of home and roots, is the strongest DNA in our veins. The river may flow downstream into the oceans, without looking back, but it is bound to dry up if it loses touch with its source.

What is most unfortunate, however, is the crisis at home that drives a wedge between Nigerians at home and those in diaspora. While we urge the latter to identify with home, connect and remember, Nigerians born and bred at home, are in despair. They are either seeking to emigrate or secede. If they are lucky to graduate from a higher institution, they are not even happy to participate in the NYSC or serve the country. Nigeria is so insecure parents do not want their children posted to certain parts of the country. Nigeria has a way of killing dreams. The NYSC is one of those dying dreams. And that is why the Adeosun case, controversial as it seems, is bound to end up as just one of those things in the court of public opinion. 

When a few weeks ago, President Muhammadu Buhari declared that those who seek to overwhelm and undermine the Nigerian state would soon be spoken to in the language that they will understand, this was immediately interpreted to serve as a signal of a declaration of war against the people of the South East because the President spoke in the context of war, as he referred to  the civil war of 1967 -70. Subsequently, the President made it clear that the language of engagement would be communicated not just in the South East, but in every part of the country including the North West and North East and elsewhere in the country where attempts are being made to sabotage the sovereignty of Nigeria, and the government’s responsibility to ensure the security and welfare of the people.

Last week, Nigeria found itself in the grips of a security turmoil, and that promised confrontation with “language.”  Nnamdi Kanu, leader of the Indigenous People of Biafra (IPOB), and founder of the Eastern Security Network (ESN), two organisations promoting separatism or secession and committed to the actualization of a Republic of Biafra to be carved out of Nigeria, was intercepted, re-arrested/extradited, and rendered Nicodemously, back to Nigerian soil. Nigerians got to know about the operation through a press conference by the Attorney General of the Federation/Minister of Justice, Abubakar Malami SAN who disclosed that Kanu was intercepted with the help of intelligence and security services. Kanu was re-arraigned in court on Tuesday, June 29.

The presiding Justice ordered that he should be remanded in the custody of the Department of State Services until July 26.  Second incident: in Soka, Ibadan, DSS officials stormed the home of Chief Sunday Adeyemo, a.k.a, Sunday Igboho, the Yoruba co-promoter of the idea of an Oduduwa Nation, a modern-day defender of Yoruba territory against the incursion of criminally-minded Fulani herdsmen into the South West. The DSS has since declared Igboho a wanted man. He has reportedly said nobody can intimidate him, because he has not committed any crime and that he is in his house despite the attack on him, his aides and his properties by State Security.  Third incident: the brusque manner in which the Nigeria Police put an end to the Yoruba Nation rally at the Freedom Square, Ojota, Lagos, on Saturday, July 3. Not only did the Police block the people’s right to protest (which is condemnable), the life of a young lady was snuffed out, according to one account by a stray bullet, but the police insist that she died from a knife-stab. She did not deserve to die.

These three incidents can be taken as an indication of “the language” that the President recently spoke about. It is the language of power, in form of an affirmation of the supremacy of the state. The only problem is the politics of it, the tone, nature and fall-outs and how the Nigerian government is doing the right thing in a wrong, untidy and controversial manner. What is right? And what is wrong? The Buhari administration has consistently insisted on the sovereignty of Nigeria, its indivisibility and indissolubility in line with the Preamble of the 1999 Constitution and Section 2(1) thereof, in addition to its resolve to uphold the same principles and provisions. In the face of calls for secession, restructuring and a referendum on the future of Nigeria and the state of the Union, government spokespersons have argued that whereas the Constitution can be amended, and the country can be restructured, as the people wish, this has to be done through the legislature, and not outside the extant Constitutional framework. Those who insist that the 1999 Constitution is a “military invention” and not a “Peoples Constitution” have also been told that the latter which they seek through a referendum, without the National Assembly would amount to an unconstitutional proposition. There is no provision for a people’s referendum, or any contemplation of secession or separation by any part of the Federation known as Nigeria, in the 1999 Constitution.

This is the source of the difference between the separatist groups led by the likes of Chief Sunday Adeyemo and Nnamdi Kanu and other ethnic nationalists. The latter argue that Nigeria’s 1914 amalgamation has since expired and since government is not prepared to re-negotiate the terms of the union, in the face of so much injustice, mis-governance and inequity in the land, it is better for those aggrieved groups within the Federation to re-define their own destiny. Self-determination is a universally recognised right under Articles 1(2) and 55 of the United Nations Charter. The Nigerian Government has been careful not to openly use that phrase, self-determination, but it rails against any effort to achieve that objective through the means of violence, or deliberate mobilisation to undermine Nigeria. “No responsible government will fold its arms” and allow non-state actors to overwhelm it is the common phrase we hear. Or something like the government’s responsibility to defend the rule of law or that the unity of Nigeria is non-negotiable. This is of course readily dismissed as hypocritical by those who accuse the Nigerian government of having no regard whatsoever for the rule of law, and hence no moral high ground to stand upon.

Sunday Igboho is committed to the actualization of an Oduduwa Nation, which means the South West of Nigeria pulling out of the Nigerian Federation. He also defends the Yoruba territory. He has led rallies across the South West, in Ibadan, Osogbo, Akure, Abeokuta, Ado Ekiti to sensitize and mobilize the people. The proposed Oduduwa Nation has its own anthem and a national flag. The latest rally was scheduled for Lagos, July 3. Two days earlier, the DSS attacked Igboho’s residence in Ibadan in the middle of the night. In the case of Nnamdi Kanu, he had been arrested by the Nigerian government in 2015, and taken to court on a nine-count charge of treasonable felony and other offences. IPOB which he leads was later proscribed and declared a terrorist group. In April 2017, Kanu was granted bail, under strict conditions. In September 2017, he jumped bail and became a fugitive from the law. He was declared wanted.

While on the run, Nnamdi Kanu and his associates sustained an attack on Nigeria through propaganda and other organised activities in the South East. Without a doubt, both Igboho and Kanu had become persons of interest to the Nigerian state. Igboho had been invited in the past by the police. There was also an unsuccessful attempt by state agents to kidnap him on the Lagos-Ibadan Expressway on one occasion. Igboho has remained undeterred. He has pursued his Yoruba Nationalism with gusto. It is not beyond the state to take an interest in him. As for Kanu, what the state has proven in his case is that whereas the will of the state may be slow, it will eventually prevail, and that nobody is above the laws of the land. The argument that Kanu is a British citizen offers neither a defence or immunity under the law. Dual nationality which Nigerian laws recognise does not grant anyone the right to or seek to, overwhelm the Nigerian state and expect the affected state to look the other way.

What is wrong is how Nigeria has handled the two cases in question. Igboho’s house was attacked in the dead of the night, ostensibly without prior notice, in a Gestapo style reminiscent of those locust years of military dictatorship. The DSS claims that its team was attacked as it approached Igboho’s residence. So? In the absence of any prior notice, the DSS team could well have been regarded as intruders coming to do harm. Given his circumstances, any reasonable person would expect Igboho to have security arrangements at his home to keep intruders out. Did the DSS officials identify themselves before approaching the house, like the use of a Public Address system asking Igboho to surrender himself? In trying to assert the might of the state, the DSS adopted extra-legal tactics. Two persons were killed including an aide who was reportedly on a praying mat. Wives, including Igboho’s wife, were carted away, and released later. 13 persons ended up in custody. The vehicles in the compound were sprayed with bullets and damaged. This certainly cannot be a standard security agency operating procedure. DSS said it was acting on a tip off that Igboho was stockpiling arms in his home. The man says the few arms and ammunition that have been paraded do not belong to him. He is a traditionalist he insists, who deploys metaphysical powers. The DSS team was looking for arms, but they also ended up killing and arresting Igboho’s cats. Cats! Ologbo Iya agba. Ologbo Ijeun. Meow, Meow. Pussy Cat. How ridiculous. Did the cats also resist the invasion of Igboho’s residence?

The international community must be having a good laugh at Nigeria’s expense about this cruelty to animals and the ethno-theological assumption that it is possible for Sunday Igboho, a human being, to turn into a cat to escape arrest. The US SEAL Team came all the way to Nigeria in October 2020, on a special security operation to rescue a 27-year-old Philip Walton who had been kidnapped in Niger and brought to Nigeria. It was a precision operation, driven by science and professionalism. Nigerian security agents are always busy looking for fetish objects. Many of our own security agents will be better off joining the Vigilante, the Amotekun, the hunters’ guild or Ebube Agu. Igboho’s cats have not yet been paraded by the DSS. Those cats should also be allowed to have their day in court and their charges properly read out to them. I have no doubts that there will be more than enough lawyers who will take up their matter, pro bono, to make the simple argument that under Nigerian laws, an animal is not a juristic entity. Until that matter is determined, nothing must happen to those cats. Everything must be done to ensure that they do not end up in anybody’s pot of soup as a captured delicacy and spoil of war!

It is this same sloppiness that we have seen in the Kanu case. Ordinarily the matter should not have generated any controversy at all. A man runs away from the law. The law catches up with him. Simple. He should have his day in court. But the whole thing has been turned into something else because of the lack of clarity about the circumstances of his arrest. The Nigerian Government has not even disclosed how and where he was arrested, the international agencies or governments that provided support, and how he was brought back into the country. The secrecy has now given room to needless speculation, confusion, and conspiracy theories. The Kenyan authorities have said for example that he was not arrested in Kenya. Persons close to him insist that not only was he arrested in Kenya, he was also tortured by Kenyan officials before he was handed over to the Nigerian authorities. By doing the right thing wrongly, the Nigerian government is gradually turning the narrative against itself, and turning both Igboho and Kanu into heroes among their supporters, and across ethnic constituencies in the South and the Middle Belt. We have now reached a point whereby Nnamdi Kanu’s supporters in the South East are supporting and defending Sunday Igboho of the South West and vice versa.

The emerging conversation is gradually focussing on due process, the right to self-determination and why in speaking language to power, the Nigerian state has not deemed it necessary to arrest anyone involved in attacks on the sovereignty of Nigeria in the Northern parts of the country. Questions: Can the point be confidently made, that it is only in the South that non-state actors challenging the integrity of the state can be found? How about the Boko Haram and ISWAP in the North East and the bandits in the North West? Only yesterday, Boko Haram reportedly appointed a Governor of its own to oversee parts of Borno State. Why is the government not going after whoever is the co-called Boko Haram Governor? Will he appoint Commissioners too and collect tax? Why are Boko Haram terrorists being approached for negotiation and offered chances of rehabilitation unlike agitators in the South? These are the kind of questions being raised. No government that expects to be taken seriously can afford to lay itself open to such charges of double standards. Other commentators have gone further to insist that what needs to be addressed are the specific issues that continue to throw up non-state actors who question the value of the Nigerian state: these are issues of equity, fairness, justice, good governance and ensuring a collective sense of ownership and belongingness among Nigerians, not through vapid rhetoric but concrete actions. It is not an accident that these latter points are captured in spirit, in the communique issued at the conclusion of the meeting of the 17 Governors of Southern Nigeria held in Lagos on Monday, July 5, 2021.       

The Government of Nigeria needs to manage the crisis of confidence it faces. It needs to rebuild trust.  It can start by ensuring that the right things are done in an open and just manner, that is fair to all parties concerned. And the security agencies must play their own part by always acting professionally. On Saturday in Lagos, a young lady who was not even part of the Yoruba Nation rally lost her life. In less than 24 hours the Lagos Police Command told the public that no policeman fired any shots at all (something that was seen on television!), and that the victim did not die as a result of gunshot wound  (did the police carry out an autopsy to determine the cause of death so fast?). State officials must learn to be truthful, otherwise whatever they do or say will be politicised and treated with doubt and suspicion.  

Human rights activist and lawyer, Reno Omokri, has recently posed a thought-provoking query regarding the actions taken by the current administration against Sunday Igboho.

Reno Omokri, a prominent figure in Nigerian politics and author, recently made a statement during his appearance as a guest on the popular radio show "CityTalks with Reuben Abati" on City 105.1.

In a recent development, the residence of renowned Yoruba human rights activist, Chief Sunday Adeyemo, widely recognised as Sunday Igboho, was reportedly subjected to an invasion last Thursday. The incident took place in the Soka area of Ibadan, located in Oyo State. The Department of State Service (DSS) and Military Personnel were said to be responsible for this operation.

In a prelude to the highly anticipated "Yoruba rally" organised by Igboho, a shocking incident unfolded just two days prior in Lagos.

In a series of unfortunate events, the latest attack on Igboho and his Ibadan residence adds to the growing list of reported assaults since January 2021. It was during this time that Igboho boldly issued a seven-day ultimatum to killer herders in the Ibarapa area of Oyo State, setting off a chain of violent incidents.

In response to the recent events surrounding Igboho, Omokiri has expressed his belief that Igboho has not engaged in any criminal activities.

In a compelling display of legal acumen, he skillfully invoked both Article 51 of the United Nations Charter and the Nigerian Constitution to fortify his stance.

In a recent statement, he asserted that the act of Igboho advocating for a Yoruba Nation cannot be deemed illegal. Drawing a parallel, he referred to a faction of individuals residing in both the United States and the United Kingdom who have been fervently demanding the establishment of an independent state for themselves.

In the United States, there is a growing movement among Native Americans advocating for the establishment of autonomous states.

In the United Kingdom, a significant segment of the population, namely the Scottish people, has been fervently advocating for the establishment of an independent state exclusively for themselves. This desire has materialised in the form of a political organisation known as the Scottish National Party (SNP). In a recent statement, Omokri emphasised that the primary focus of their efforts has been the establishment of an autonomous Scottish republic. Notably, no actions have been taken against them, and their leaders have remained free from any arrests or detentions.

Omokri emphasised that the rally organised by Igboho is not intended to incite violence.

He asserted that the Nigerian Constitution unequivocally upholds the fundamental right to freedom of association.

It was emphasised by the speaker that Igboho has not made any illegal utterances.

In a scathing critique, the human rights activist expressed strong condemnation towards the approach employed by the Department of State Services (DSS) in their dealings with Igboho.

It has come to light that a certain minister, Isa Pantami, made a disturbing statement on video. According to reports, he expressed his satisfaction when non-Muslims and unbelievers meet a tragic fate.

The individual in question holds the position of a minister, yet no actions have been taken against him.

Islamic cleric, Sheikh Gumi, recently engaged in a high-profile meeting with bandits, during which he allegedly made inflammatory remarks. According to reports, Sheikh Gumi purportedly conveyed to the bandits that the soldiers responsible for their demise were predominantly of the Christian faith. This statement has raised concerns as it potentially incites animosity towards Christian soldiers who valiantly defend our nation, risking their lives in the treacherous forest terrain.

In a surprising turn of events, it has come to light that the individual in question has not received an invitation from the Department of State Services (DSS), nor has he been subjected to any form of arrest.

According to Omokri, the individual in question has allegedly engaged in a clear act of criminality. By inciting and instigating criminal elements against the State, Omokri asserts that this individual has committed an act of treason, which involves providing aid and comfort to the enemy. Notably, it appears that this individual has not received an invitation pertaining to the matter at hand.

In a staunch defence of his actions, he asserted that Igboho, a prominent figure, is steadfastly protecting his people, citing the United Nations Charter and the Nigerian Constitution as his legal basis. According to him, the Department of State Services (DSS) allegedly violated his premises by carrying out an invasion.

Renowned political activist and former presidential aide, Reno Omokri, has offered advice to Yoruba rights activist, Sunday Adeyemo, popularly known as Sunday Igboho, regarding his recent invitation by the Department of State Services (DSS). In a statement, Omokri urged Igboho to heed the invitation and attend the meeting accompanied by a large gathering of his supporters. According to Omokri, the presence of a crowd would serve as a protective shield, ensuring Igboho's safety.

“Where have you been, you this guy?”

“Omo, I no go deceive you. I just meet this girl wey dey turn my head. Shey you know, I no go deceive you. You don’t need to die to discover Heaven. Heaven is right here on earth, except you have not been lucky to discover it. This my new babe hen, I am convinced that she descended from Heaven at a special moment of the Lord’s intervention”

“I hope nobody has given you vegetable to eat. You sound like you are under a spell. I asked you where you have been and all you are telling me is how you met a girl as if you are in a trance. Well, I must assume you are talking about your wife”

“Which wife? That one? You don’t get it.”

“Ï don’t. Whatever has come over you, I pray in the name of the Lord Jesus will leave you. Because I don’t know why men will see danger and embrace it with their full chest.”

“Leave matter. Don’t Pastors also see women they love and desire, and they keep their Bible aside and obey the call of flesh, the evidence of their eyes and submit themselves to their own humanity and nature? Leave matter.”

“So, when are you going to introduce me to this your new woman that you are so ecstatic about? What is her name? When do I get to meet her?”

“Whenever you want to meet her. Almost a virgin. Fresh. Innocent. Her name is Chidinma.”

“Yeh! Blood of Jesus! Blood of Jesus!”

“Are you alright?”

“What did you say her name is, just now?”

“Chidinma”

“Oh Jesus!  Ore, why are you doing this to yourself? You wan die? One Chidinma has just been paraded by the police in Lagos in a homicide case. She has been accused of killing one of your type, a successful young man with a great future, an entrepreneur with skills and talent, who gave access to a young woman, and ended up dying through her. Such a tragic story, such a sad event, it should make every man run away from any woman that bears the name Chidinma”

“Are you okay? Are you listening to yourself? You run the risk of group defamation. Every Chidinma in Nigeria should sue you, individually and collectively.”

“Na you sabi. I beg. Ï am speaking for myself. Since that tragedy was reported, I have been thinking of the pains of Michael Usifo Ataga’s family. He was someone’s son, cousin, brother, husband and a father too. He had a whole world ahead of him. It was even a day to his birthday. His family was looking forward to celebrating him at 50. And then the devil showed up in the shape of Delilah, Cleopatra and Helen of Troy, and destroyed him. I feel the pain in my bone marrows. These days, when I hear the name Chidinma or Adaora, I break out in sweat.”

“You see, this is the problem with you people. You like conspiracy theories. So, because one Chidinma committed a crime, every Chidinma has now become a villain. For your information, Chidinma means “My God is beautiful”. And Adaora means “the daughter of all,” that is the people’s daughter. What is in a name?  When a crime is committed, it is for the police to do their work, and ensure justice. The case you are talking about has nothing to do with the name of the suspect. Candidly, I no longer understand how people reason in this country. Is it the poverty? Or the bad politics?”

“After what happened last week, if I hear Chidinma or Adaora, na race be that oh. A girl of 21 years, going out with a man of 50, and yet she killed him in such a gruesome manner. The whole story does not even make sense to me. It does not add up. It is a story about poverty, greed, peer influence, drug abuse, parental upbringing, infidelity, and frustration.  Yes, every man should be careful and avoid an amoral life, but that is no reason why the Chidinma, undergraduate of the University of Lagos should kill, drug, tie up and destroy.”

 “What if you hear Mary? You go run?”

“That is my mother’s name. Don’t bring my mother’s name into this matter.”

“You see yourself then? Are you aware that the alleged murderer had a fake identity with the name: Mary Johnson.? Will you now start running away from every Mary? What has happened is not funny? Nigerians should stop misbehaving, creating all kinds of theories and misinforming people. In case you don’t know, the Ataga family has issued a statement, appealing to the public to stop turning a family tragedy into a material for malice and mischief. I think their feelings should be respected. The police should be allowed to do their work. All self-appointed detectives should be told: Enough! And that should be enough”

“Since you know all of that, then people like you should learn your lesson. Stay with your wife. If you must have a girlfriend, then Know Your Customer. It is called KYC. Stay away from girls from problematic backgrounds. Don’t get carried away by young girls with so-called innocent looks. Mata Hari had innocent looks but she was evil. Every femme fatale is a vamp. Delilah. Helen of Troy. Cleopatra. And above all, don’t play around with drugs.”

“Thank you, preacher. Let he who is innocent cast the first stone.”

“Very sad the way tragedy occurs in this country unabated. It can get to somebody, you know, and it is beginning to get to me. I was reading the newspapers the other day, just going through an accumulated pile. I was depressed. If Chidinma is not murdering Michael, Maryam is killing Abubakar, Funke kills Femi, one husband kills his wife because of N2, 000, one fellow accuses his mother of being a witch and decides to kill her,  a jealous step-mother throws her step son into a well, someone abducts another man’s wife and rapes her for five months, herdsmen kill farmers, farmers kill cows and herders and their kinsmen, a group of avengers claim they will ensure the permanent recession of Nigeria and humiliate the government, some other groups want to secede.. Is there hope? Tell me, where does our hope lie, those of us who fought for this democracy? Can someone help me make sense of this unending deluge of sad news?”

“Oh come on, there is hope. This is the way it has always been with Nigeria since independence. Things go wrong. But just when you think the country will collapse, it suddenly bounces back. What we need is Love. Unity. Understanding. The problem is that too many of our people are quick to imagine the worst. But I can tell you, Nigeria will survive.”

“But some prophets have said the country will break up. I know one or two Pastors who insist that Nigeria has come to an end.”

“You must stop listening to those spellbinders, futurologists and shamanists. Most of them do not know what they do.”

“It is the word of God. Can’t you see the signs?”

“What signs?”

“Are you not aware that a group of Southern and Middle Belt leaders have approached the African Union, the UN, the World Bank and the IMF that they must no longer do business with Nigeria, and must never give the country any loans, because the sovereignty of the country is now being disputed?”

“Don’t worry yourself. Nothing will come out of it. I can assure you that all of those institutions you have mentioned will continue to do business with Nigeria and even grant more loans.”

“But what of the restive youths of the Niger Delta who are threatening to humiliate the entire country? There is Operation Humble by the Niger Delta Avengers which is even led by a woman, former Field Commander of Operation Red of 2016 now Brigadier General Tu-ere, also known as Queen of the Creeks. A woman! There is also the Reformed Niger Delta Avengers, leading Operation No Mercy Alpha Piper Zero Oil. We also have the Niger Delta Liberators. They all want to cripple Nigeria.”

“No worry yourself. Na today?”

“There are separatist groups everywhere. In the East. In the West. In the South South.”

 “Na so e dey be any time a major election is around the corner. Everything na hustle. Nobody dey go anywhere. Is it not this same Nigeria all of us dey inside?”

“Ï think it is different this time around. People are genuinely aggrieved and upset. Nigeria is at a breaking point. You make everything sound so light.”

“Too much grammar. That is our problem. And I keep saying do not focus on the moment, do a trend analysis of Nigerian politics over the years.  When people need something, they will make noise, agitate, threaten to pull down the roof but when you speak to them in the language they understand, they will calm down and Nigeria will move on”

“Of course. That is exactly how Nigerian leaders keep postponing the evil day until one day, monkey will go market he no go return. This is the root cause of the civil war, the June 12 crisis, the menace of military autocracy, the #EndSARS protests, the thinking that some people can seize the reins of power and treat the people shabbily, refuse to listen to them and simply assume that nothing will happen. But I think we are dealing with a new Nigeria. There is a new generation that has emerged that can no longer be taken for granted the way their parents were. They are fighting back in all ways, from rented slaughter beds, short-time joints, to the streets.”

“That is what you think.”

“That is what I know. The dynamics have changed. This new generation is on drugs, they are high on all kinds of substances, they don’t care, they are not afraid of any authority figures. On top of it all, they are educated and outspoken, and they have access to technological means of instant communication. My advice is that the political elite should stop daring them. They will kill and maim, and look innocent. Nigeria has created demons, waiting to strike.”

“Can I make some predictions?”

“Ï thought you just condemned prophets and pastors a while ago”

“Yes, I did. But I want to speak as a pragmatist. Stop giving yourself hypertension. Nigeria is this. Nigeria is that. For example, have you not seen the desperation with which politicians have been fighting over party primaries in all the major political parties in Anambra State? The desperation. The theatre. PDP. APC. APGA. Does that give you the impression that everyone has given up on this country? No. All the gladiators have followership. They are all convinced that there is still something of value in this country. After their crisis-ridden political primaries, they have all rushed to Abuja to take instructions from the centre.”

“The Igbo political elite do not represent their people”

“Who told you that? So do the Yoruba or Fulani political elite represent their people?”

“Ï don’t know”

“My friend, wake up. Stop getting sick over Nigeria’s problems. Spread love. Get yourself one young girl who can make you happy, and drive away your sorrows.”

“God forbid. I choose to be on the level.”

“Everything God. God. Have you forgotten that everything good and ugly, the Lord makes them? It is the way of the universe. It is the way the Grand Architect has made it all.”

“No. I am okay. And you have not answered my original question before you went off on a tangent about how Nigeria is in a safe and secure place and how the obvious signs of implosion mean nothing to you”

“What was your question again?”

“Is there something to hope for? I no longer feel safe in this country. I can just pack my bags now, take my children and relocate to Canada with all my frustrations! Arrrgh!”

“And I told you to stop panicking”

“When even a nationalist and stateman like Baba Olusegun Obasanjo is panicking. He says population explosion is a ticking time bomb in Nigeria. By the year 2050, Nigeria could be the third most populated country in the world. A time could come when Nigeria could be the country with the largest population. Imagine the crisis that will occur. There will be an explosion of poverty, criminals, separatists, decayed infrastructure and too many useful idiots in high and low places.”

“Are you sure you the former President made that statement?”

“Yes. He was very factual, analytical and on point. Brilliant submission as always.”

“Of course. But I recall once reading a book by the same Baba Obasanjo in which he listed his biological and adopted children. I believe I saw more than 20 names, his direct personal contribution to the Nigerian population, not to add an emergent family tree that includes grandchildren and great grandchildren. Baba is my role model. I will like to be like him, and when we get to that stage, can we then discuss the population of Nigeria?”

“You always like to twist people’s thoughts.”

“Listen to me, don’t let anybody give you headache in this country. Get smart. Niger Delta Avengers claim they will humiliate Nigeria. I hope they have heard that electric cars are now in Nigeria, even at the University of Lagos, and that the same Nigeria has accidentally discovered about 206 trillion cubic feet of gas reserves in addition to another 600 billion cubic feet. Accidentally! And the man that disclosed that information is a son of the Niger Delta, Minister of State, Timipre Sylva”

“The gas belongs to the people of the Niger Delta. That is the elephant in the room. The accidental discovery does not change anything.”

“You still don’t get the language. Okay. Okay.”  

“Nothing is okay”

“Okay then”