Nigerians have indeed suffered tremendously in the last one year. Not strictly the hunger tugging at our bellies. That pestilence of hunger was brilliantly conveyed by the whammy soundbite, “Ebi npa wa o” as  Lagos Island people’s response to the president’s fleet of gleaming SUVs last year. As an aside, permit the pun, I think that national soundbite deserves a Grammy. Lacerating words from those who rule us even rub salt on our hunger injury. They make Christians race for their bibles to read the famous and incredulous story of King Rehoboam, Solomon’s son and successor. Some young men had helped Rehoboam design a Manifesto themed on how to effectively govern Israel. Perhaps, it was 80-paged, too? Or probably christened “Renewed Hope” as well? Whereas his father-predecessor inflicted heavy yoke on the people, counseled the young men in the Manifesto, Rehoboam’s administration should add to the yoke. So, Rehoboam’s Manifesto had the catchphrase, “whereas my father scoured you with whips, I will scourge you with scorpions.” In a language devoid of political sentiment, it looks like the transition from Muhammadu Buhari to where we are now has a Rehoboamic flavour.

I was not old enough to cognize what happened during the Nigerian civil war so, pardon my comparative shortcoming. Were Nigerian lives this miserable during the war? Many have, in the last one year, died of Rehoboam scorpion stings. Many are in the sanatorium. Many depressed compatriots are looking vacantly into the sky and muttering lullabies to God-knows-who. Many husbands have lost their economic manhood. The sick who could not afford spiking drug costs are now at conference table with their Creator. The president and his kitchen crew have become Eddy Iroh’s Toads of (our) War. They grow “big fat stomachs,” apologies to Fela Kuti. N21 billion just renovated the Vice president’s palace. Our First Lady got billions of Naira voted for her kitchen so that tomatoes and pepper can be plenty on the shelf.

Last Tuesday, our president cavalierly dismissed our sufferings. What the hell are we howling about? “You are not the only ones suffering!” he admonished the Ebi npa wa orchestra. Though it was from a statement issued by spokesperson Ajuri Ngelale, I imagine our president fluffing the arms of his agbada proudly and majestically like Mother Eagle. If you dissemble the president’s words properly, they are almost akin to Queen of France, Marie-Antoinette’s famous statement during the French revolution. French people were starving. “Let them eat cake,” the Queen had said, totally removed from the pangs of the people’s hunger. With hunger decking the bellies of the French, the Queen was literally asking the people the impossibility of making a gangan drum with the hide of an elephant. The president was comfortable comparing malaises and not wellness. Seyitan Atigarin of Arise television yesterday provided a perfect anecdotal explanation of the president’s infelicity. Aso Rock’s gaffe can be compared to the words of a gym instructor. To an obese person looking up to him for conquest of fat, the instructor asked the obese to look at the sea of the obese like him in the gym for inspiration. Shouldn’t he exemplify hope by citing those who had conquered their fat?

You do not need to slide the panes of your window to see tears, pain and anguish all over Nigeria. Sufferings are our ever-present guests. They sit at table with us, in company of their compatriot of tomfoolery in high and low places. But, don’t our elders say if the deity, the Orisa, cannot remedy a situation, it should not worsen it? When system henchmen ask why we make these issues daily refrain, we tell them that our case is synonymous with that of a poor man whose fowl was stolen by a rich man (èdá t’ó gb’ádìye òtòsì) and who, by that very fact, has courted to himself, not only the ire of the poor but a global amplification of the poor man’s fate (ó gbelé t’aláròyé). The whole world must hear of the inequity.

An example is the rude and unnecessary debate on whether our president should purchase a jet to add to his harem, pardon me, fleet of ten jets. This is coming at a time when “ebi ńpa wá” has become a national ringtone and Nigerians can’t see tomatoes and pepper on their dining table. We can however see a presidential “bùgá” and “bragging right”. Then, presidential spokesman, Bayo Onanuga, came up with a widely-adjudged common error of reasoning. In a reaction to criticisms against the purchase of presidential jet by this government, Onanuga demanded if critics wanted the president to die in flight like Malawian Vice President, Saulos Chilima and Ebrahim Risi, president of Iran. Let us not dwell on the flavor of indecorum and gloating at the dead noticeable in the statement. Known as “emotive bullying” or “emotional gangsterism,” that presidential statement was an argumentative reasoning that sought to appeal to consequence. In Symbolic Logic, Onanuga’s argument is identified by a Latin word called argumentum ad consequentiam. In such argument to consequence, the one arguing creates an atmosphere of pity. They base the truth or falsity of their argument on whether the premise leads to pleasant or unpleasant consequences, waylaying their opponent by appealing to the consequences of the action of accepting or rejecting their line of argument.

Nigeria’s case is like that of the proverbial rolling stone that gathers no moss, something I have elsewhere referred to as a multidimensional malaise. This was what late Babatunde Olatunji couched to arrive at the title of his 1978 Yoruba novel, Egbìrìn Òtè. Are you following the tomfoolery going on in Rivers and Kano States? In both, you can see the hands of the Leviathan. It is obvious that year 2027 is high on the calculations of decisions being taken on the two states. If human casualties litter the streets of Port-Harcourt and Kano, so be it. A president who desires peace in Rivers knows what to do. A major irreverent piece in a faggot, which the Yoruba call “Igi wórókó,” which is upturning the peace of the earthen space, (ààrò) is right inside the president’s trousers (sòkòtò) in  Abuja. So, why pretending to be going to Sokoto to find it? If Nigeria’s No 1 Citizen desires peace in Rivers and Kano this moment, it will happen in a twinkle of an eye. All he needs do is agree that 2027 belongs to God and not to any human, no matter their buga. In Rivers, he only needs to pour cold water on this Rivers hot faggot that took residency with him right there in  Abuja and remove it from the fire. Kano has a Siamese portent with Kaduna. The president only needs to allow that impish irritant he is afraid would snatch the race baton from him in 2027, who he is hounding in Kaduna through a remote control, stew in his own broth. The belief that the Kano emirate, friendly to the imp, will help him in 2027 may not necessarily follow.

One of the multidimensional malaises happened in Zamfara state last week. Governor Dauda Lawal flagged off the construction of an airport. This is in a state where the number of out-of-school children rivals a migrating colony of bats. N62 billion of state funds was the sacrificial lamb, oil and cowries propitiated to this god of elite appetite. On the list of the malaises of last week, too, was the appointment of 85-year old Chief Bisi Akande as Chairman, Governing Council of our own UI. Akande, we are told, does not even have a university degree. Don’t our elders say gold should be given only to he who knows its worth? Four persons on the Council membership list are said to be immediate family members/political fawners who hail from Akande’s homestead in Ila-Orangun.

I am sorry for digressing this considerably. Today is clearly no day for all those malaises, the peculiar messes in high and low places. It is certainly not an epistle on the sting or bite of Tanpépé, agbón and oyin which we have stoically endured in the last one year. As I write this, I am listening to Odolaye Aremu’s elegy to S. L. Akintola and Adegoke Adelabu. Both had died in the First Republic. While Akintola was killed in the military coup of January, 1966, Adelabu died in a fatal automobile accident on March 25, 1958. He was aged 43. The unfortunate death happened in a place called Mile 51 on Lagos–Ibadan Expressway, near Shagamu, today’s Ogun State. In the company of a Syrian businessman, Adelabu’s car had hit an oncoming vehicle.

“Soldiers are killing people (àwon sójà ńpàà’yàn); the number of the dead is innumerable (èmí t’ó bó ò l’óñka),” the arguably one of the greatest musicians to have come from Ilorin, Kwara State, sings. It was a musical reminiscence on the aftermath of Adelabu’s car accident. This petrel of Ibadan politics’ supporters had claimed his death was spiritual assassination, leading to a deadly protest. Over 500 people were arrested by the police and 102 others charged to court. Odolaye’s most profound quip in that track and my takeaway in the midst of this Nigerian peculiar mess is, a tear-provoking happening that stupefies deserves to be confronted with laughter. It is same I canvass today. Odolaye sang it as “Òrò t’ó bá j’ekún lo, èrín làá fií rín”.

Each time I try to make sense of the various existential challenges Nigeria battles, I have, countless times, had recourse to Can Themba. Born in Marabastad, near Pretoria, South Africa, Themba was one of the most poignant South African writers whose works were done in Sophiatown, Johannesburg. An investigative journalist as well, Themba worked with the defunct Drum magazine. His famous award-winning short story entitled The Suit supplies answers to my worry on Nigeria’s uncountable malaises. It tames my wandering wonder. The story is about Philemon, a middle-class lawyer. He had an adulterous wife called Matilda and both of them lived in Sophiatown. Devoted as Philemon was to Matilda, the latter was always fond of turning his home into a tryst immediately he leaves for his office. On this particular day, Philemon was told of the escapade of his wife again. Rather than his wont of leaving for home late in the evening, Philemon went home midday. As the lawyers say, he caught his wife in flagrante with the lover. In the melee that ensued, the lover scampered out of the window but forgot his suit.

To effectively deal with Matilda, Philemon then concocted a strange and bizarre punishment for her. This was a routine he spelt out where Matilda had to behave to the suit which he hung on the shelf as a honored guest. This involved treating it with utmost respect, feeding it, providing ample entertainment for the suit and taking a walk with it, while discussing with it as an animate object. In conceptualizing the punishment, Philemon reckoned that this treatment would serve as a bitter and constant reminder to Matilda about her adultery. Remorseful, psychologically beaten and humiliated, Matilda eventually died of shame of her adulterous escapades. The treatment our Aso Rock tormentors and their predecessors inflict upon us is similar to Philemon’s. Were we at any time adulterous as a people? Is this their way of dealing with us?

Ojude Oba, Durbar and Musawa’s African Grammy

Last Tuesday’s cultural display of the Ijebu people of Ogun State in their yearly Ojude Oba festival caught the eyes of the world. Translated as Festival of the King’s Courtyard, it has over the years been one of the most glamorous cultural and spiritual festivals held in Nigeria for over a century now. Many people have queried the rich sartorial depth and affluence of the Ijebu in the midst of Nigeria’s national ferment. Among Yoruba festivals, the glitz and colours associated with this festival place it outside the ranks of any cultural festival in Nigeria. Usually held to coincide with the Islamic Eid-l-adha ceremony, the festival holds on its third day.

Oral historical accounts put the emergence of the festival to Chief Kuku Oduyingbo, who later became Balogun of Ijebu, and or Imam Tunwatoba. Either or both, having recently converted to Islam, gathered friends, families, and well-wishers in homage to then Awujale, Oba Fidipote, who reigned around 1885. It was to appreciate him for the opportunity he gave them to practice Islam without hindrance. Ever since, thanks to Dr. Mike Adenuga’s Globacom which heavily funds the festival, Ojude Oba has transformed from being a Sallah homage into a cultural melting point for the Ijebu.

The Ojude Oba goes beyond the glamour of the participants’ dressing, or the equestrian display. Today, it speaks directly to the cultural, religious, social, and military significance of its yearly celebration. It is attended by over a million people. Apart from the visual niceties it brings, it also speaks to the importance of group association as the bedrock of development. You can see this in the gathering and parade of age grade societies called Regberegbe. Established in the 18th century, the age grade societies are known collectively as Wompari. The aim is to bring about amity among groups and ultimately, development into Ijebu land. Wompari is further broken into Egbe Gbobaniyi comprising male and female (1962-1964); Egbe Bobagunte male and female (1956-1958); Akile of Ijebu (1959-1961); Mafowoku, Egbe Arobayo male and female; Egbe Jagunmolu (1965-1967), Egbe Bobakeye, and Egbe Bobagbimo. Most of the Wompari are top industry barons, successful captains of industry and A-List professionals.

What Nigeria advertises to the world in Ojude Oba is cultural elegance and communal cohesion. It does same in the Argungu Fishing festival where showpieces are made of the hugest fish catches. Also in the mode of the Ojude Oba is the Durbar festival, an ancient traditional annual Hausa cultural, religious and equestrian festival which began in the 14^th century. Native to northern Nigerian original ancient emirates of Kano, Katsina, Gombe and Akko, it is also celebrated in Sokoto, Zazzau, Bauchi and Bida. It rekindles Hausa’s ancient horsemen preoccupation in the Sahara and Sahel. Like the Ojude Oba, it is also a homage to the Emir and signposted by a colourfully mounted parade of the king’s retinue of horsemen. Musicians and artillerymen also add vibes to the festival.

Over the years, Nigerian creatives have also begun a renaissance to jumpstart the country’s creativity, especially in music. From African traditional music of Dan Maraya in Jos, Ogene songs of Oliver Decoque and Igbo highlife, a contemporary musical genre that combines highlife and Igbo traditional music, lifted into stardom by Chief Stephen Osita Osadebe, to the Yoruba Sakara, Juju and Apala music, Nigeria has evolved into gaining recognition on the global stage. Today, our boys advertise their craft on global audience stage and harvest audiences in the realm of millions. Tiwa Savage, Burna Boy, Davido, Wizkid, Rema, Asake, and many others are doing Nigeria proud in that regard. Blends of Afro beats and hip-hop parade artists like Plantashun Boiz, Def ‘O’ Clan, Remedies, Trybesmen with world class producers like OJB Jezreel. While they ply their trade at the global stage, these music wizards have also pushed our entertainment industry into becoming a major contributor to the Nigerian economy. Indeed, Nigeria’s entertainment industry is ranked “second-best entertainment and media consumer market” globally with the American music industry being the clear leader.

So, it becomes bothersome when news streaked in that the Nigerian government, represented by Hannatu Musawa, the Minister of Art, Culture, and Creative Economy, is entering into partnership with the American Grammy Awards to establish an African version of the Grammy Award. In a Global Music Industry Growth by Region rating, while Latin America had 21.5%, Asia 12.8%, Europe 6.2%, US/CAN 4.2%, MENA 19.8%, Sub-Saharan Africa had a whopping 28.8%. So why subordinate the master to his apprentice? The question to ask is, will this Africanization of the Grammy bring any good the way of Nigeria or her music industry? The answer is no. The idea is at best imperialist. There can be no two Grammy Awards. The original, which America monopolizes, has a high, if not total dosage of American music flavor. It prides itself as “the music industry’s highest honour” whereas our globally acclaimed musicians from Africa seldom crack its nut. It is why Nigerian superstars hardly win the Grammy. To have dross of Grammy in Africa as Musawa is contemplating is to accept the superiority and then inferiorize our own globally-sought music stars.

As a music enthusiast, I am convinced that what the Minister should be doing by now is to partner existing continental music award platforms which will strengthen and not overshadow them. African music awards institutions like South African Music Awards, (SAMA) Trace Awards, Headies, Ghana Music Awards (GMA), Soundcity MVP Awards, AFRIMA and such like will promote the continent’s music rather than this neo-colonial idea being toyed with by Musawa. She should also devise ways of revving the strides made by Ojude Oba, Durbar, Argungu and allied festivals into making those crafts recognized by the whole world. I hope the minister is listening?