American President Gerald Ford, in a posthumous eulogy read by his son, Steve, at the funeral of another American President, Jimmy Carter, his immediate successor, affirmed, “Honesty and truth-telling were synonymous with the name Jimmy Carter.”

This assessment by a president about another president is the exact opposite of what a Nigerian would probably say about a fellow Nigerian, both knowing that “honesty and truth-telling” will be antonyms to their characters as Nigerians.

That is a sad, but true, commentary on the character of the average Nigerian that prompted former British Prime Minister, David Cameron, to say that “Nigeria and Afghanistan are possibly the two most corrupt countries in the world”, to the hearing of Muhammadu Buhari, a sitting President of Nigeria, who hardly knew how to react to a biting insult.

The best that former President Buhari could muster was his trademark wide Cheshire cat grin, a “Yes” that Nigeria was “fantastically corrupt” and the underwhelming comment that he “was shocked and embarrassed” and would rather “demand… a return of (Nigeria’s) stolen assets (hidden in Britain), than “demand an apology” from ex-Prime Minister Cameron. 

And to appear to be pushing what is no more than a half-hearted demand of his boss, the then Chairman of Nigeria’s Economic and Financial Crimes Commission, Ibrahim Magu. revealed that at that time, $37bn of stolen Nigerian money had been routed through Britain.

A joke that made the rounds in Lagos in the mid-1980s stated that when it looked as if an aircraft on an international flight was about to crash, the flight stewards thought of the most effective way to persuade the frightened passengers to don the parachute and dive into the sky.

To the gambling Americans, they said it was a 50-50 chance of survival. The Americans weighed their options, took the parachute and jumped out. The Japanese took the parachute when they were told that it was a matter of honour to be brave and jump out with the parachute.

It became a royal problem to persuade Nigerians to dive. No one knew how to get them to accept the parachutes. Until a retired pilot, who had lived in Lagos, offered to help. When he got the all-clear, he simply walked into the fuselage and announced, “Nigerians. It is illegal to jump out!”

In less than a jiffy, all the Nigerians on the aircraft jumped the queue, collected and wore the parachutes and saw to it that they all jumped out ahead of other nationals, who stood puzzled that the motivator for Nigerians was the zest to breach rules.

Following is another interesting story. A video gone viral showed a young lady, presumably a Diaspora Nigerian, in a rented boat trying to appease some gods by throwing US dollars into a lagoon. After the ritual, she was asked what she liked about Nigeria. She answered, “I like that I can pay my way through anything,” in the most casual manner.

These stories are probably a summary of the disdain that Nigerians have for orderliness, ethical guardrails and the rule of law. It also shows that any Nigerian state actor, in any official capacity, can be bought to compromise on any rule or policy.

To quote the character, Basi, in Ken Sawo-Wiwa’s TV series, “Basi & Company”, “It’s a matter of cash.” More uncouth Nigerians would use the phrase, “Cash for hand, back for ground,” in the capsule of transactions between a prostitute and her clients.

What all these negatives say of Nigeria is that there are no referees to call out those who engage in wrongdoing. If anything, it is those who are expected to caution and make Nigerians obey the rules that invite them to disobey the laws.

It was rumoured that a Nigerian estate developer who died under the rubble of one of his buildings was encouraged by Lagos State officials to raise the building beyond the level that was originally approved for him.

A referee maintains fair play by interpreting and enforcing rules, making impartial decisions on infractions, keeping stock of scores of the game, and ensuring that a player’s behaviour complies with laid-down rules and guidelines.

In today’s Nigeria, no one seems to be responsible for compliance, and those who should maintain the rules are the culprit-in-chief in the disgraceful act of breaching laid-down rules and regulations. Indeed, the average Nigerian seems to think that rules are to be breached.

When a boss restrained a company driver from driving against the traffic, the driver told him that no one obeyed highway codes anymore and continued breaking the highway codes. When the boss asked the unruly driver to be fired, the HR Manager was interceding on behalf of the errant driver.

You may not be too surprised that Nigeria endures so much impunity, with the two referee organs, the judiciary and the media, created by the Nigerian Constitution for dispensing justice and ensuring fair play, are hamstrung by the same Constitution!

Section 6 (6,c) absolves the government of responsibilities to Nigerians by saying, “The judicial powers… (that) shall be vested in the courts… shall not… extend to any issue or question as to why any act… or any judicial decision is in conformity with the Fundamental Objectives and Directive Principles of State Policy… in (Chapter II of the Constitution).”

What this convoluted jabber is saying is that the Constitution, grundnorm of Nigeria, gives no guarantees that the government shall provide security, welfare, an efficient economy, adequate educational and health services, and safeguard the air, land, forest and wildlife to Nigerians. In other words, the judiciary cannot compel the executive arm to perform its constitutional duties.

The Father Christmas Section 22 of the Constitution gave the Nigerian media the power “to uphold the Fundamental Objectives… and uphold the responsibility and accountability of the government to the people”.

But Section 45(1) withdrew that, along with a slew of other fundamental human rights, like the right to life, personal liberty, freedom of thought, association, and right to live or own property in any part of Nigeria, “in the interest of (the generally ill-defined) public safety, public order, public morality, or public health, or for the purpose of protecting the rights of other persons”.

Where the hands of the judiciary and the media have been tied behind their backs by the Constitution that created them, they would hardly make any impact, especially when you consider how much the military culture impacted the socio-cultural lives of Nigerians.

The military ruled Nigeria, for 29 of the first 39 formative years of the Nigerian state- from 1960 to 1999- when the military packed their baggage of impunity and disrespect for the rule of law and returned to their barracks.

When a predator Nigerian tells his victim to go to court or gets his less connected compatriot beaten up by friends in the military barracks, he is simply boarding the time-machine, back to the days when a connected Nigerian gets what is not due to him by associating with a senior brass of the military government.

To borrow a phrase from Lasisi Olagunju, a columnist with Nigerian Tribune newspaper, “We cannot become (like the countries that are prospering so well) until we have blind laws that recognise no class (and) no ethnicity.”