Former Governor of Edo State, Senator Adams Aliyu Oshiomhole, was born on April 4, 1952. If baby Adams had come into the world three days earlier, he would have been born on April Fools’ Day. Adams is now 72 years old, long past 40, the popular age society set as the bar for fools to sink or swim. Oshiomhole is not a fool, he was only born on April 4, the same day and month all hell broke loose in 1968 when Martin Luther King Jr. was killed. 

April 4, unto us a baby is born. Old age doesn’t always beget wisdom, though experience is its forte. 

This fact is lost on Nigeria’s President, Asiwaju Bola Tinubu, Nigeria’s National Assembly, and education policymakers, whose aversion to genius and scholarship informed the barring of under-18 students from accessing tertiary education. 

Dressed in the robes of fake leaders, Nigeria’s blind visioners in Asso Rock and beyond bark, ‘Kill them before they grow’, at young admission seekers milling around the almighty gates of the Joint Admissions and Matriculation Board, with Bob Marley’s song, “I Shot the Sheriff,” playing in the background. 

Oshiomhole loves dancing. As a comrade in the trenches of the Nigeria Labour Congress, he must have danced to Fela Anikulapo’s Beasts of No Nation, in which the Abami Eda describes himself as Basketmouth. Basketmouth is the street slang for the big-mouthed. When Oshiomhole talks, baskets overflow. But a Yoruba proverb warns, òpò òrò ò ká’gbòn, aféfé ló ń gbe lo, a basket full of words is worthless. Whenever he feels strongly about an issue, the force of his oration appears compelling even if what he belches is just hot air, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

Adam was the name of the first human created by God, so say the Holy Bible and the Holy Quran. Adam means ‘Son of the Red Earth’. Aliyu is one of the 99 names of Allah. It means ‘The Most High’ or The Exalted One’. As ‘the Son of the Red Earth’, Oshiomhole’s thoughts and actions are expected to be deep-rooted in the soil of wisdom. As ‘The Exalted One’, his words are expected to typify dignity. 

But Adams Aliyu Oshiomhole, while on a campaign trail in Edo State a few days ago, defiled his two names. Without regard to wisdom or civility, Oshiomhole threw decency to the dogs as he pronounced his former begotten son and incumbent Edo State Governor, Godwin Obaseki, and his wife, Betsy, childless. A Muslim reportedly converted to Christianity by his late wife, Clara, Oshiomhole’s characteristic aggression is typical of converts.

When caught midair in the breaking light of dawn, witches become confused and they drop to the ground. They also confess. Oshiomhole said, “I was shock (sic) yesterday to see Mrs Obaseki, the First Lady, saying that our candidate has no wife; I’m sorry that she has to say that because here’s a woman who has no child. Between him (sic) and Obaseki, they have no child, they’re childless. They are even not ready to adopt. I mean, I don’t blame anybody shouldn’t (sic) have a child but people who have love for children, they go to motherless home(s) and adopt children, they have not adopted, they are both in their 60s. 

“So, you married, I don’t know whether it’s a contract one, but whatever it is, but they have no child. Now, our candidate not only have (sic) children, he has invested in the education of those children, such that you watch them on live television, covered by your media stations where the first that spoke is a lawyer, the second one is a medical doctor, and they addressed the crowd in Edo-South, in Edo-Central, in Edo-North, and their mother was there.” 

I can’t tell why witches are repetitive but I suspect the electoral whipping Obaseki gave Oshiomhole in the 2020 governorship election in Edo has created a hatred in Oshiomhole’s heart large enough to accommodate 10 wounded lions as he described Obaseki and his wife as childless four times in a one-minute video clip. Osho Baba, na wetin?

The tirade quoted above was what Betsy Obaseki got for declaring at a rally that only the Peoples Democratic Party candidate in the Edo governorship election, Asue Ighodalo, was married. Though she didn’t specifically mention any candidate as being unmarried, the undertone of her message wasn’t lost on her audience. The Betsy innuendo was what Oshiomhole, a former national chairman of the ruling All Progressives Congress, couldn’t take, and he decided to run the errand meant for media aides and party roughnecks, all for his political son, Monday Okpebholo, the APC governorship candidate. What a great national leader Oshiomhole is!

Betsy could have done the more involving breaststroke swimming style in the sewage of Edo’s political bitterness but she didn’t, she chose the stylish backstroke, maybe for its steaze or womanishness. But Oshiomhole would drag anyone, male or female, without a child, to the bottom of the sewage for child-ish baptism because he’s the god of Edo who gives children.

According to the University of California San Francisco’s Memory and Ageing Center – Weill Institute of Neurosciences – there are three major areas of the brain responsible for speech and language. They are the Bocca’s area, Wernicke’s area and the Angular gyrus. 

In a research, “Speech and Language,”  published on its website, the university says, “When someone has trouble understanding other people (receptive language) or explaining thoughts, ideas and feelings (expressive language), that is a language disorder.”

UCSF, a world-class citadel of knowledge, added, “When someone cannot produce speech sounds correctly or fluently or has voice problems, that is a speech disorder.”

In a society where pettiness is a virtue within the ruling class, Betsy’s preoccupation with marriage and Oshiomhole’s fixation with childlessness reflect the shallowness of the characters who populate Nigeria’s corridors of power.  

The lack of roadmaps by Presidents Goodluck Jonathan, Muhamadu Buhari, Bola Tinubu, and governorship, legislative and local government council candidates standing election entrenches us firmly at the bottom of global development. The silence that greets misgovernance in Nigeria concretises our national doom.

At election times, the Nigerian electorate bickers over frivolities and expects candidates who had no manifestos to wave the magic wand after snatching and robbing like mafiosos.

In our electoral childishness, childlessness was a talking point in the Edo governorship election in 2020 when Oshiomhole was accused of not fathering a child with his Cape Verde wife, Iara. Oshiomhole, who has children with his late wife, Clara, could choose not to have children anymore. In Nigerian politics, the shoe is always on the wrong foot. The PDP threw the first stone in 2020, and now the APC is casting a rock. 

It’s ironic that Oshiomhole who is kicking against Betsy’s remarks today, had in 2016, accused then-Senator Dino Melaye of not capable of ‘maintaining a decent matrimonial home’ after Melaye said on the floor of the Senate that there was the need to enact a law that would stop Nigerians marrying foreigners from paying dowries in dollars – in a veiled reference to Oshiomhole.

The former Edo governor thundered in a statement, “It’s an open secret that Senator Melaye cannot maintain a decent matrimonial home hence he could descend to this pedestrian level of using the hallowed chambers to categorise women as if they were pieces of items for purchase.”

In Africa, children are viewed as inheritances from God. It’s wrong to needle anyone with children or lack of them. When I was a child, I remember I was occasionally taken to the house of my father’s childhood friend, the late Mr Jacob Asha Afainiya, because his wife, the late Mrs Olajumoke Comfort Afainiya, who was my mom’s childhood friend, had not conceived, despite the two couples marrying about the same time.

The Afainiya couple got their firstborn, Seun, when my parents had their third, Florence, now deceased. I occasionally stayed with the Afainiya family, who lived a stone’s throw from us in Mushin, in the belief that my ‘head’ would call from heaven children for the Afainiya couple – ori omo lo ma n pe omo waye. That’s the African belief. It also shows the importance which Africans attach to children. And I enjoyed going to the Afainiyas because mummy Afainiya made okra soup like no other mother.

One day, in the presence of both couples, I told my mom to cook her okra like mummy Afainiya’s, and everyone present laughed. When I got home, I cried for my basket-mouthedness as my mom descended on me. 

Nigeria, it’s high time we based our campaigns on developmental issues and stop running our mouths like torn baskets, please.

[EagleOnline]