“The West prescribed the bitter medicine which Tinubu has been administering to us. The western press hailed Tinubu when he pronounced subsidy dead on May 29, 2023 and pushed the naira downhill. They described him as a star reformer, almost putting on him the messiah’s cassock. But the patient is now in a coma and they say something else about their lovely doctor and his competence. Read this: “In the nearly 15 months since Bola Tinubu became president, he has forced his 220 million fellow Nigerians to swallow some bitter medicine. He removed a generous fuel subsidy, one of the few benefits citizens receive from their inefficient and corrupt state. He allowed the country’s currency, the naira, to enter free fall, fuelling imported inflation and triggering the worst cost of living crisis in a generation.” It is difficult to believe that this statement you just read came from an editorial published last week by the Financial Times. That is a newspaper that hailed Tinubu last year when he withdrew subsidy on petrol and floated the naira. In an October 3, 2023 editorial, the newspaper said he “started well” and “with a bang” by removing “a costly fuel subsidy and in shifting towards a market-driven exchange rate which has sharply weakened a previously overvalued currency…” Beware of Greeks bearing gifts.”

An old friend reviewed the ways of this government and said he thought Bola Tinubu should be afraid of the Greeks. “Yes, especially if they come with gifts,” I added to my friend’s warning. He smiled; I nodded. In that short conversation, we had just gone through the mythical Trojan War, the Greek story of a siege, a gift, a city and its destruction.

For ten years, the Greeks and the Trojans fought a war which you and I would describe today as senseless. A Trojan prince eloped with the wife of a Greek (Spartan) king and because of that, a decade-long war had to ensue and thousands had to die. David Bevington, Professor Emeritus at the University of Chicago and world authority on Shakespeare, says the causes of the Trojan war were “the betrayal of love, the absence of heroism and the emptiness of honour.”

More than once, you’ve read and heard about ‘Greek Gift’. That expression is from that war of the stone walls of the city of Troy and a grueling Greek siege on the city for a full decade. Troy’s igneous walls won’t let the Greeks in for ten bad years, the besieging warrior king dropped his spears and shields; he changed his strategy and tactics. He went for guileful warmth to get what swords and fires couldn’t fetch him. The Greek built a giant wooden horse and donated it to the gates of Troy. The Greek king dropped the artful gift and then sailed his army’s ships out of sight.

The Trojans thought the Greek had gone back home in frustration. The Trojans took the horse as a gift of peace from their enemy. They thought wheeling it into their city and even worshipping it wouldn’t be a bad idea. A lone voice belonging to a priest warned the Trojan General and his troops against having anything to do with the horse gift from the Greeks: “Timeo Danaos et dona ferentes (Fear the Greeks, even those bearing gifts).” The priest’s warning rang round the city. But the voice of caution was drowned in the Trojan ocean of a binge party. They said what is this one saying? They had defeated the Greeks who even left the horse as a gesture of peace. The ‘valiant’ Trojans wined, they dined and danced in a celebration of victory. Then they all went to sleep, blind drunk. One historian wrote that while they were in that state of stupid stupor, “a host of armed soldiers crept out from the belly of the horse and opened the city gates. Troy was overrun and destroyed and the ‘Trojan Horse’ became revered as one of the most successful military tactics ever.” The story is told in Homer’s Iliad; in Shakespeare’s ‘Troilus and Cressida’ and in Geoffrey Chaucer’s ‘Troilus and Criseyde.’

Now, the Greeks are surrounding the Nigerian Troy. Some persons clapped or feigned sleep while Muhammadu Buhari’s regime raped town and gown, forest and flowers. They are now crying war and threatening to cross the Rubicon and confront Pompey. It is interesting. They are threatening a protest for early next month. “It is treason,” the government has warned. It has also told the dog handlers to put their canine on a leash. We hope they listen. We also hope the government shuts them up by doing good and draining its swamp of excessive wetland of mosquitoes.

The protest pledgers, like master wrestlers, even gave a definite date – August 1. We call it Ogun Àwítélè (Foretold War). There is a popular play of that title by Adebayo Faleti, late Yoruba playwright of excellence. A band of robbers write to a town of hunters that they are coming to rob and pillage the people and their palace. And the thieves truly come as promised. But how are they received? Well, the robbers fail, not because they are not worthy of their promise, but because their intended victims are not led by arrogance and ignorance. The community of hunters win because it is not commanded by chiefs who are deaf to reason and receptive to disruptive flattery.

The Nigeria we have today is a forest of the heartless – Igbó òdájú in Yoruba. In the last years of Goodluck Jonathan as president of Nigeria, he received many Greeks into his fold. And almost all of them came with one ‘gift’ or the other. A prominent politician (from the North) told one of my female friends: We will help him to make enemies. We will turn him against his true friends and turn the people against him. Nothing he works on will work. My friend reported that encounter to me and we agreed to watch as events unfolded. It turned out that the promise was delivered as promised. As I type this, I see Troy and its history repeating themselves.

I hope Tinubu takes ownership of himself at this moment and listens to his inner voice. I think his wife should get for him ‘Iwe Itan Ibadan’ published in 1911 by Oba I. B. Akinyele. It is a book of ambition, gallantry, treachery, bravery,
conspiracy, flattery, rebellion, private and public protests, justice and fairness, deposition, even, forced suicide. Tèmbèlèkun is the Yoruba word for mixtures of conspiracies and insurrections. There are more than a slew of it in the book. Reading it may help our man now that the jungle is maturing. But, why am I even writing this? Meddlesome interloper. A Lilliputian reporter telling the powerful how to use his limitless powers.

Some people advised President Muhammadu Buhari not to withdraw subsidy on petrol during the pendency of his presidency. They said if he did it, it would make him hugely unpopular. He sidestepped it. The same people are around his successor now telling him that today’s excessively expensive petrol can still sell for any amount per litre, and that nothing will happen if he endorses it. That is how you charge a child that is not yours – you send them on an errand with an order that they must come back home no matter how late. A child who would not get lost in the darkness of the way would take direct charge of his journey.

The West prescribed the bitter medicine which Tinubu has been administering to us. The western press hailed Tinubu when he pronounced subsidy dead on May 29, 2023 and pushed the naira downhill. They described him as a star reformer, almost putting on him the messiah’s cassock. But the patient is now in a coma and they say something else about their lovely doctor and his competence. Read this: “In the nearly 15 months since Bola Tinubu became president, he has forced his 220 million fellow Nigerians to swallow some bitter medicine. He removed a generous fuel subsidy, one of the few benefits citizens receive from their inefficient and corrupt state. He allowed the country’s currency, the naira, to enter free fall, fuelling imported inflation and triggering the worst cost of living crisis in a generation.” It is difficult to believe that this statement you just read came from an editorial published last week by the Financial Times. That is a newspaper that hailed Tinubu last year when he withdrew subsidy on petrol and floated the naira. In an October 3, 2023 editorial, the newspaper said he “started well” and “with a bang” by removing “a costly fuel subsidy and in shifting towards a market-driven exchange rate which has sharply weakened a previously overvalued currency…” Beware of Greeks bearing gifts.

Today’s lord of Abuja, just like his predecessors, loves Greeks and their graven gifts. Among the Greeks are the lawmakers housed in our federal capital. They enact any law that gives erection to their purse. Tinubu so much loves them because the gifts they give are what Caesar craved – imperator perpetuo. The losers, ultimately, are the lawmakers. Almost a century ago, Roger V. Shumate in his ‘A Reappraisal of State Legislatures’ published in January 1938 said the legislature was largely seen as a haven for “ward heelers, petty politicians and yokels”. He adds that the disquisition could even be worse with some people saying lawmakers “are more or less equally engaged in clowning and enacting laws designed to loot the public treasury or to favour some special interest at the expense of the common good.”

The battle for Abuja has always been intense because it is a Treasure Island. Read Robert Louis Stevenson’s 1883 classic adventure novel of that title; read the sequel, ‘Return to Treasure Island’ (1985) by John Goldsmith; read the sequel to the sequel – ‘Silver: Return to Treasure Island’ (2012) by Andrew Motion. Read all about the ugliness of the pirates in those stories. Read about mutiny, about murder, sword fights, about treachery and – blood-curdling romance. The island called Abuja will always be in turmoil as long as unearned treasures are there for pirates to pillage.

All these take us back to the urgent need to make Nigeria work as a federation. At independence, our constitution provided enough safeguards and guardrails against ambitious corrosion from an excessively opulent centre. John P. Mackintosh’s ‘Nigeria Since Independence’ (1964) says it well. He says the independence constitution provided “both the Federal Government and the regions with adequate independent sources of revenue. The central government was allocated most of the import and excise duties, corporation taxes, and death duties, while the regions had income tax, export duties on primary produce, import duties on tobacco and petrol, and a half of mineral royalties and rents. Some revenues had to be paid by the central government into a distributable pool and this was then allocated according to fixed proportions among the regions.”

Read the above again: The regions took half of mineral royalties and rents. Crude oil and gold and other precious stones are minerals. The regions took export duties on primary produce. Cocoa, cotton, groundnuts and palm oil are primary produce. These are what a centralised structure took away from the regions when it splintered them into states. The federal government bites more than its share of the Nigerian cake. Yet, it wants more.

The federal government keeps creating offices and duties for itself because it has careless, excess funds in its kitty. The creation of a livestock ministry is one of such errant actions. The bill on federal agency for local government election is another. We don’t know what else is yet on their to-do list on how to undo this federation. At independence, the centre knew its limits and rarely went beyond its bounds. On the powers of the constituent units, Mackintosh recalls that the constitution provided as follows: “The Federal Government was charged with foreign affairs, defence, external borrowing, the currency, capital issues, customs and excise, control of the exchange rate, shipping, railways, trunk A roads, posts and telegraphs, and aviation. There was a concurrent list, the main items being industrial development, labour conditions and relations, water, power, and higher education, while the regions were left all residual powers. Of these, the most important were health, education, agriculture, public works, and secondary roads, so that the regions could engage in their own economic development.” That was the constitution the British gave us.

A leader is as good (and bad) as his advisers are. Look at how the planners of Abuja designed the axle of power there. There is in there the three-arms zone: The lawmaker, the law giver and the law breaker. The principalities of Nigeria lie right there – with all the puns embedded. Collectively they are leading us into a situation almost like Ruben Östlund’s ‘Triangle of Sadness’ – a 2022 comedy drama in which a couple “sails on a lavish cruise ship” led by a drunk captain. And, as a reviewer says “what seems glamorous at first comes to a horrific end, with survivors battling for life on a barren island.”