Nigerians are on the march again. Looking for political appointments. Some of them like vultures lusting for carcasses. Since President Bola Ahmed Tinubu assumed office, thousands of Nigerians have, predictably, been positioning themselves for appointments. A friend complained weeks ago that hotels in Abuja were fully booked. This was worsened by the National Assembly inauguration. With Tinubu dissolving the boards of federal agencies, he has instantly created thousands of vacancies. The executive managements will also be replaced (sooner or later). To be sure, this is routine. Every president does it. Appointees often exit with their principals and new ones come in.

Although Nigerians always focus their energies on Abuja, the same scenario plays out in the states. Thousands upon thousands of vacancies have also opened up across the states of the federation. When you add the federal government and states together, vacancies for political appointments run into huge numbers, both full-time and part-time. There will be ministers, board members, ambassadors, commissioners and advisers. There will be chiefs of staff, chiefs of protocol, SA this, SA that, press secretaries, personal assistants, and so forth. It is a big seasonal market that peaks every four years. It is what many fast and pray for, what they live and kill for. It is their utmost heart desire.

Dear appointees-in-waiting, I hope this finds you well. It has been my wish to communicate these few lines to you before you are officially appointed. Please be assured that I have nothing against political appointments or your determination to be the beneficiaries. The vacancies are meant to be filled. And it is human beings, not goats, that will fill them. So, you have not done anything wrong by submitting your CVs and begging the godfathers, both imagined and real, to put in a word for you. You have not committed any crime by putting in relentless efforts and vigils to serve your country.

Did I just say “serve your country”? Well, let’s discuss that. Are you putting in these extra-ordinary lobbying efforts because you sincerely want to serve your country? Are you pushing to be minister of works and housing, for instance, so that you can work your head off to help fix our road infrastructure and help tackle the housing deficit from your own corner? Are you wishing to be minister of health so that you can work day and night — and night and day — to turn our federal hospitals into centres of excellence where every patient would like to be attended to, where every doctor would like to work and where you yourself would gladly go for treatment or even surgery?

Are you lobbying to be attorney-general of the federation (AGF) and minister of justice so that you can provide selfless and patriotic legal opinions to the federation and lead a reform process that will deliver justice to all Nigerians, no matter their standing? Or are you fantasising about being AGF because you want to collude with scammers and judges to secure decisions against your fatherland and share from the judgment debt payments? Are you desperate to be AGF so that you can be selling your legal opinions for a mess of pottage, thereby making your country vulnerable to legal proceedings all over the world and creating a huge slush market for your lawyer friends?

Are you angling to be commissioner for education because you are broken-hearted about the number of out-of-school children and you want to do everything within your power to address this issue? Are you so downcast about the quality of teaching and classroom infrastructure that you have been fasting and praying that God should let you get into government so that you can lead the sector to the promised land? Are you lobbying to be appointed as a board member of an agency so that you can deploy your experience and resources to help with giving policy direction and demanding accountability of the management team? Or are you interested mainly in the sharing of money?

Dear appointees-in-waiting, if the dominant thought in your minds is the peace and progress of Nigeria, congratulations! May your tribe continue to expand. May we unearth more of your ilk. We need more of you in critical and strategic public positions as the quest for a greater Nigeria continues. However, if your heart desire is to secure a licence to loot or to be called “government official” so that you can feather your nest, you may find this love note a bit uncomfortable but do not be offended. I mean no harm. My intention is to tell you as subtly as possible that appointments should not be about enjoying all the free comfort and impunity that public office can offer.

I am absolutely aware that not everyone who gets appointed into public office lobbied for it. I know that some are practically cajoled or persuaded to accept such appointments because of their expertise or profile. Some have to forgo their own comfort, even taking a pay cut, to serve their country. They are not in government because of the perks of office. I know as well that some appointees put in a decent shift despite the very difficult environment, full of wolves and buccaneers. This love note is not for this category. I am talking to those of you (yes, you know yourselves) who are obviously motivated by the wrong values as you lobby intensely for political appointments.

May I, this day, invite you to have a quiet conversation with your conscience. Are you really, really desperate to serve Nigeria for our good? Are you going to great lengths to lobby for appointments for the love of God and country? Are you a proven problem solver and you are wishing that you would get a chance to prove your mettle in public office, to prove that things can be better done? Have you taken time to analyse the problems and prospects of the position you are targeting? Do you want to create a legacy that will make us celebrate you forever as someone who came, saw and conquered? Are you irrevocably resolute to build a nation “where peace and justice shall reign”?

I am asking these questions not because I am in search of answers. That is why they are called rhetorical questions — the real intention is to make a point. My intention is to prick your consciences. I have seen the excitement with which some of you are jumping on planes to Abuja in preparation for appointments. Something keeps telling me the motives of many are not pure. Some just want to be at a vantage position to tamper with public funds. Some of you are searching for an opportunity to amass Prados and Pradas. Some of you are only dreaming of siren-led convoys. You crave to have police orderlies carrying your bags and lowly Nigerians eating from your palm.

In Nigeria, we often blame the principals for all our failings. We spend much time holding our presidents, and sometimes governors, wholly responsible for the state of the nation. Has the time come to start sharing the blame with their appointees as well? I agree 100 percent that the presidents and the governors are responsible for the appointments they make. They deserve every blame they get. But maybe it would also help if the appointees purpose in their hearts to give their utmost best in the quest for a greater Nigeria. If your principal appoints you for the wrong reasons and with the wrong expectations, what stops you from using the opportunity to be different?

Dear appointees-in-waiting, it is very easy to blame the principals for all the rot in the system. It is very convenient. But if you are appointed commissioner of finance or accountant general and your principal wants you to tamper with the books as he launches an assault on the treasury, you have a choice to say no. If you do not say no, it is most likely because you too hope to benefit from the raid. Let’s be honest with ourselves. Okay, you are an ordinary appointee and you will be fired if you disobey your principal. So what? If indeed your motive is service to fatherland, must you serve your country by force? In any case, you are not going to be commissioner or minister forever. Fact.

Let us imagine that the principal wants you to do something that is unpatriotic and criminal and he fires you because you refuse to carry out the instruction. Let us further imagine that the appointee that replaces you also refuses to carry out the instruction. He too is fired. And let us imagine the next appointee also refuses to do the dirty job and gets fired. I can assure you that Nigeria will become a better place. It will be clear to the principal that the loyalty of an appointee is first and foremost to the nation and its laws, not to an individual. But the moment appointees see their positions as a meal ticket, it is so easy to say “I was only carrying out instructions”. You can resign. It is allowed.

Dear appointees-in-waiting, before you accuse me of preaching Utopianism, I want to assure you that I have had one or two friends who served this country and didn’t soil their hands. I can defend them even with a loaded gun pointed to my nose. I can testify that they never took more than they were entitled to and even gave up some of their entitlements. I know they came out of government poorer than they went in and some people laughed them to scorn, but they have their integrity intact and are forever proud of their service. I am proud of them too. And I know there are thousands of Nigerians who would serve their fatherland with equal passion and patriotism.

By the way, I am not asking that saints should be appointed into government. There are no saints in this business. I am asking you a simple question: why are you lobbying for that appointment? To help us eradicate poverty and disease? To help us banish infant and maternal mortality? To help reduce accidents and deaths on our roads? To contribute to making Nigeria a land of delight? Or are you just salivating for the perks of office, to raid the treasury like vultures? It is not too late to have a rethink. You don’t have to be a saint in government, but you can decide to do things differently and leave a legacy of patriotism and commitment to the greater good. You can choose to love your country. 

AND FOUR OTHER THINGS…

HARD TIMES

While Nigerians are still trying to adjust to the new petrol pricing regime, the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) floated the naira and the currency depreciated rapidly. While we are at it, electricity tariffs are set to go up again. In truth, Nigerians had been protected from these hardships for years despite changing economic realities across the world. We protected ourselves by piling up ruinous debts. Something had to give. Unfortunately, it is ordinary Nigerians that will bear the harshest part of the brunt. The fat cats in government will only get fatter. Asking Nigerians to endure the hardship is a message that will be best preached if public officers would also share from the pains. Sacrifice.  

OGALLA AND IGALA

One complex thing about Nigeria is the ethnic game. President Bola Tinubu has just appointed Rear Admiral Emmanuel Ogalla as the chief of naval staff but, according to what I read on Twitter, he is an Igala, not Igbo, from Enugu state. I never knew Enugu had Igalas until now. I don’t know if Ogalla is Igbo or not (his other name is Ikechukwu), but those making the Igala point may be trying to prepare a case of marginalisation. This would be an irony. Are Enugu Igalas fully integrated or are they being marginalised? It is sad that we are not discussing the Ogalla who had A1 in all but one of his subjects in the military school and the Ogalla that is celebrated as a thoroughbred professional. Politics.

DEMOLITION MAN

Alhaji Abba Kabir Yusuf, the governor of Kano state, has spent the early days of his tenure demolishing structures built by his predecessor, Dr Abdullahi Ganduje. It got so ridiculous he said one of the structures was pulled down because there was a cross design on it. Since he hates the cross — the symbol of Christianity — so much, why not just paint over it? Why bomb a car because of one cockroach under the seat? It is estimated that property destroyed so far is worth close to N200 billion. What these guys don’t know is that it is the society that suffers the losses. Although he appears intoxicated with power, he will be governor for maximum eight years, not eternity. Vicious.

TIGER BY THE TAIL

I usually don’t like it when your first duty is to clarify your pronouncement. Mr Kayode Egbetokun, the acting inspector-general of police (IGP), just did exactly that. After he was decorated with his new rank by Vice-President Kashim Shettima on Tuesday, Egbetokun said he felt like a tiger ready to “devour Nigeria’s internal enemies”. He went to “shalaye” the following day, saying he was only conveying a message to the public about his knowledge of insecurity in Nigeria. The task before him is massive. It would be better if he rolls up his sleeves and talks less so that he does not end up as a paper tiger. He will be judged by his actions and not his metaphors. I wish him success. Tough.