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Programme: CITY TALKS WITH REUBEN ABATI

Time: 12:00pm

Guest: Umar Sani (SSA TO FORMER VP, NAMADI SAMBO)

Topic: PDP: THE CALL FOR PARTY CHAIR'S RESIGNATION

Date: September 17, 2022

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City FM is inviting you to a scheduled Zoom meeting.

Programme: CITY TALKS WITH REUBEN ABATI

Time: 12:00pm

Guest: ABIODUN ADENIYI, PHD, PROFESSOR AND HEAD, MASS COMMUNICATION, BAZE UNIVERSITY, ABUJA

Topic:THE LIFE AND TIMES OF QUEEN ELIZABETH II, 1926 - 2022

Date: Saturday, September 10, 2022

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On August 9, the people of Kenya went to the polls to elect a new President, the incumbent President, Uhuru Kenyatta having completed the constitutional two terms in office. There were elections at other levels -governorship, parliamentary and at county levels but the main focus was the Presidential election with four main candidates:  Deputy President, William Ruto, 55, of the United Democratic Alliance (UDA)/Kenya Kwanza Alliance, Raila Odinga, 77, of the Orange Democratic Movement/Azimio One Coalition, Professor George Wajackoyah, 63, of the Roots Party of Kenya and David Mwaure Waihiga, 55, of the Agano Party.  On August 15, the Independent Electoral and Boundary Commission (IEBC) announced victory for William Ruto with 7.1 million votes (50. 5 %), followed by Raila Odinga, with 6.9 million votes (48. 9%). Wajackoyah scored 0.44% of the votes and David M. Waihiga, 0.23%. 

The result was rejected by Raila Odinga and his running mate, Martha Karua and their supporters who threatened that the result will be challenged in court. This was Odinga’s fifth shot at the Presidency of Kenya. At 77, losing the election means he would not achieve his dream of becoming President. He would be 82 years by the next Presidential election. He refused to congratulate William Ruto, nor did he acknowledge Ruto’s offer of an olive branch to run an inclusive, people-focused government. Odinga was not alone. He enjoys the support of incumbent President Uhuru Kenyatta who has never hidden his disdain for his Deputy. Kenyatta openly supported Raila Odinga, resulting in the characterization of the Kenya Presidential election as a battle between hustlers and the products of dynasties, that is - between poor Kenyans and big, influential families. Kenyatta’s father and Odinga’s father are historical figures in Kenya. Ruto describes himself as “the son of a nobody”, “a chicken seller”– whose mother sold by the roadside but who is determined to lead Kenya. Kenyatta has also refused to congratulate his Deputy, as of the time of this writing. The Deputy’s offence was that he refused to support Kenyatta’s plan to violate the Constitution and do a third term in office!  

Yesterday, both Kenyatta and Odinga were further humiliated when the Supreme Court of Kenya, in a seven-man panel led by Chief Justice Martha Koome, in a unanimous decision, ruled that the election of August 9 was validly won by William Ruto of the UDA. The Court had three options before it: to declare and validate the election, and hence allow it to stand, to rule that William Ruto did not score up to the 50.5% announced for him, and hence declare a run-off, or to cancel the election altogether and order a rerun. The Court held that Ruto won. The other winner is Wafula Chebukati, Chairman of the Kenya Electoral Commission, who insisted on the integrity of the election conducted under his watch. As he announced the results on August 15, four of his commissioners walked out on him, led by Juliana Cherera, the vice chairperson of IEBC, and went on to announce their own verdict at a different location. Cherera and co rejected the results, saying it was “opaque”. Chebukati received death threats. The two remaining Commissioners who stood by him were beaten up. Odinga’s supporters were restless, and there were fears that Kenya could slip into another round of electoral violence as happened in 2017, when the Supreme Court overturned the Presidential election, and ordered a new election which led to an orgy of violence that claimed 1,100 lives and the displacement of thousands. 

In 2022, the Supreme Court of Kenya received a total of nine petitions, eight of which challenged Ruto’s election, while one supported his victory.  The Court chose to strike out two of the petitions and consolidate the remaining seven into one. It then further reduced the issues for determination to nine viz: Did the technology deployed by the IEBC meet standards of integrity? Was there interference in the transmission of Forms 34A? Were there significant differences between the physical Form 34A and what was loaded on the IEBC portal? Did the President-elect get 50% + one of the votes cast? Were there discrepancies in the results? Where were the irregularities alleged by the petitioners, if any, and to what degree? Did the IEBC act in accordance with the law?  Did the postponement of Mombasa and Kakamega governorship elections and other polls result in voter suppression? What relief and orders should the Supreme Court consider? In the course of the 14 days during which the petitions were considered, Odinga’s lawyers insisted that the IEBC election technology was tampered with, and that election servers were pre-configured by mercenaries from Venezuela who intercepted and manipulated results.

The Supreme Court of Kenya, in determining the nine issues identified, ruled entirely in favour of William Ruto and the IEBC, and dismissed the claims by the petitioners. They found that the petitioners did not prove their case beyond reasonable doubt, that there were no discrepancies, no interference in the verification, uploading and transmission of results, that there was no evidence of pre-configuration of results or conspiracy to taint the transmission process. The Court also upheld the authenticity of Form 34A, and accused the petitioners of pushing sensational information, hearsay evidence, and actions bordering on perjury, while blowing hot air, and going on a wild goose chase. Thus, along those lines, the Supreme Court of Kenya confirmed the election of William Ruto as the fifth President of Kenya.  

Their Lordships of the Supreme Court of Kenya deserve applause for giving a ruling that addresses the issues pointedly, promotes stability, and acquits the Court honourably in helping to protect democracy.  Days before the ruling, there had been speculations in Kenya that the Supreme Court had been intimidated and bribed by the President and the ODM candidate, Odinga, and that attempts had also been made to bribe the Chairman of IEBC, Chebukati. In the course of the election petition, there had been so much disinformation and misinformation with persons pushing all kinds of conspiracy theories on social media. The big issue in the 2022 Kenya election would seem to be the distrust between the people and their institutions. The petitioners fuelled that divisive factor by simply insisting that there was no way their man could lose. The whole matter got messy when John Githongo, Kenya’s corruption czar whose story has been told most eloquently in Michela Wrong’s book - It’s Our Turn to Eat - backed Odinga’s campaign and reported that he had information that indeed a 56-member hacker team manipulated Forms 34A. 

What the Supreme Court ruling has done is to confer legitimacy on the results as announced by Chebukati on August 15. Future reviews of the ruling may well indicate that the Court downplayed some of the limitations of the election, while focussing heavily on the sensational and conspiracy-laden submissions by the petitioners, but the position of the law today is that Ruto’s election stands. For Ruto’s supporters, this will strengthen their belief in Kenya’s democracy that it is indeed possible for the child of the poor to aspire to the highest position in the land. Except that Ruto had long ago moved from being a poor hustler, without a dynasty to a ranking member of the Kenyan establishment. For establishment figures like Kenyatta and Odinga, they are now under pressure to act like statesmen. As the Supreme Court delivered its ruling, anxious young Kenyans watched the proceedings on big screens on the streets of the Rift Valley of Eldoret and in Nakuru and Mt. Kenya: strongholds of the main gladiators.

On Sunday, both Ruto and Odinga promised to respect the decision of the Supreme Court. They must now be joined by President Uhuru Kenyatta and others in doing so. Shortly after the Supreme Court verdict, Martha Karua, Odinga’s running mate, wrote on Twitter: “The court has spoken. I respect its decision, but disagree with the findings.”  Her principal Raila Odinga said more or less the same thing. He too disagrees, and accuses the Supreme Court of using “unduly exaggerated language.”  But it is democracy that has won. It is time for Kenya to move on. Next week, William Ruto will be sworn in as next President of the Republic of Kenya. His victory has been hard-fought and hard-won. It is particularly instructive that ethnicity has not been a major, problematic factor in this election. Even in Bondo town, the Opoda home of Raila Odinga, there have been no protests. There have been no celebrations either.  The people say they are ready to work with the new President but he must not sideline the region. Raila Odinga should listen to his own people.  At the inauguration of the President next week, Kenyatta, Odinga, and all the other key figures in the election must project an image of unity, attend the occasion and show solidarity because Kenya is more important than their individual ambitions. William Ruto is not the “thug” or the “tanga tanga man”, Kenyatta says he is. He is the choice of the people of Kenya who certainly trust him to move their country forward.  

Congratulations, President William Ruto. It is now time for work! The issue of the legitimacy of the election may have been settled by the Supreme Court but there is the remaining issue of how to build trust in government and promote unity across Kenya. You promised to eschew the politics of vengeance, and run an inclusive government. You recently invited Odinga to come have a cup of tea and a conversation. You should extend that invitation again not just to Odinga, but also to Kenyatta and others. Your wife, Rachel Ruto has been quoting the Bible and talking about destiny. She is probably right: William Ruto would be the first Deputy President in Kenyan history to succeed his principal, and the second Kalenjin after Daniel Arap Moi, to become President. Both the burdens of history and office place a great responsibility on Ruto’s shoulders. He must proceed with maturity and wisdom in the best interest of the people of Kenya who are painfully weighed down by the high cost of everything from petrol to national sovereignty and security. And for us Nigerians: here is a lesson: Look at how the Presidential election petitions in Kenya were swiftly determined – all within two weeks, before swearing-in. In Nigeria, we delay so much and allow the declared winner to use state resources and institutions to determine outcomes.  We need to reform that aspect of our electoral process, to avoid unnecessary delays and manipulation of institutions, and to encourage our judges to be courageous, by conferring the Supreme Court of Nigeria with original jurisdiction in Presidential election matters since in any case, they are sui generis. 

On Monday, September 5, Mary Elizabeth Truss, 47, Liz Truss for short, was proclaimed the new leader of the UK Conservative Party, thus making her the new British prime Minister replacing Bris Johnson who resigned in July after his government was hit by what became known as the Party-gate scandal.  The Returning Officer for the election said Truss got 81, 326 votes - 57% while the runner up, Rishi Sunak got 60, 399 votes representing 43%. A total of 172, 437 Tories voted, turn-out was 82.6 %, only 654 votes were voided. It was a much smaller margin of victory than was predicted (just 18%) - which means that Truss as PM would have a lot of work to do to carry other party members along. Rishi Sunak certainly was not disgraced, and he has been most gentlemanly in promptly congratulating the winner and asking the party to unite behind her. He deserves praise for his courage and his refusal to drop the ball even when all pundits predicted a Truss win. His ideas may well still find accommodation in the new administration. 

Today, September 6, Truss and Boris Johnson will travel to Balmoral in Scotland together for Boris Johnson to take his leave, and for Truss to receive the Queen’s authority to form a government in line with the UK’s unwritten Constitution and the Queen’s role as Head of Government. They will depart from the Queen’s presence as a combination of the old and the new, and the beginning of a new momentum in Great Britain. In her acceptance speech, Truss praised Boris Johnson: “Boris, you got Brexit done, you crushed Jeremy Corbyn, you rolled out the vaccine, and you stood up to Vladimir Putin. You are admired from Kyiv to Carlisle.”   These are very kind words, and history may indeed be kind in the long run to Boris Johnson’s legacy, but it would also be remembered of him that he ended up as the first Prime Minister in UK history to have broken the law while in office. Truss is now the third woman to assume office as British Prime Minister after Margaret Thatcher and Theresa May before her. She says she is a modern-day Thatcherite: she wants to cut taxes, address the cost-of-living crisis, address the concerns of households and businesses, and deliver in the next two years and also deliver victory for the Conservative Party in 2024. But can Liz Truss be trusted to move from political rhetoric to action and truly deliver?  Her critics insist that she is a master of political convenience and chameleonic politics. With a political beginning as a Liberal Democrat who once advocated for the abolition of the British monarchy, she has shifted so ideologically along the political spectrum, between 2010 when she got elected to parliament till this moment, when she would lead Her Majesty’s Government. 

For her, it must be the best of times personally, but the worst of times to be Prime Minister. She is practically inheriting an “economic catastrophe” in the UK. Inflation is over 10%, the highest in 40 years. The cost-of-living crisis is so bad that families now skip meals and companies like Lewis Partnership are promising free meals for staff during winter. Even pub owners are saying, without government help, they may have to increase the cost of beer by 500% per pint, making it 20 pounds per pint! Many families can’t afford gas for vehicles or for their homes. Truss has not given any specific details as to what she would do, but certainly, this is no longer time to play to the gallery. 

Nigerians should watch the UK space closely as we prepare for the 2023 general election. Liz Truss is the product of a well-honed internal party democracy system, which we do not have in Nigeria. The Tory election was issues-driven. Here, our politicians don’t even understand the issues enough to talk coherently. Today, Liz Truss is likely to announce her cabinet. Tomorrow she will face PM’s Question Time in parliament and slug it out with Keir Starmer. She was born in 1975. Whoever wants to become Nigeria’s President in 2023, must pay attention, and learn the best lessons from other jurisdictions.         

Matthew Hassan Kukah, the Catholic Bishop of Sokoto Diocese who turns 70 tomorrow, August 31, deserves celebration for his service to church, community, nation, and humanity, for his achievements as a true citizen who has used his priestly circumstances, boundless energy and prodigious intellect to promote the causes of justice and the common good. He stands shoulders above many of his contemporaries in his many engagements in the last four decades. He has been a priest for close to 50 years, but his range of influence goes beyond the pulpit to include scholarship, public intellectualism, civil society advocacy and the courage to provide leadership even in the most difficult situations. He is easily one of the best-known faces of the Catholic faith and priesthood in Nigeria. He remains an admirable advertisement of the virtues of Catholicism and the Church.

I am not a Catholic but I admire the Catholic Church, owing largely to my interaction over the years with Catholic priests like Bishop Kukah. I like the fact that the Catholic Church in Nigeria invests heavily in the training and education of its priests. It is mostly in the Catholic Church that you would find such exemplary priests that are usually educated to the highest levels possible. Many Catholic priests parade Ph.Ds as if it is a minimum qualification, in most cases Catholic priests display other skills, with language, research, public engagements and an unusual hunger for knowledge. The Anglican Church over time has also shown a similar commitment to the education of its priests, but the Catholic Church remains far ahead. In a country where many pastors and priests are at best spellbinders, hypnotists and clownish motivational speakers, and petty merchants with very little knowledge of the Holy Book, it is ever so refreshing to attend a Church or listen to a priest who speaks from an abundance of insight and talent. Bishop Matthew Hassan Kukah belongs in this category. In the late 80s, the 90s and till date, he has been a shining star of the Catholic Church of Nigeria, who through his example inspires the younger generation, within the priesthood and the general Nigerian community.

I first met him on the pages of newspapers through his writings. In those days, the opinion pages of newspapers were dominated by persons of high intellect, most of whom dissected issues of the day, in beautiful prose, and with great erudition. Fr. Matthew Kukah, as he then was, was one of the most prolific, churning out essays, week after week. Those were the days of intimidating columnists sand contributors on the op-ed pages: to have your essay published on the same page with a Matthew Kukah, Pat Utomi, Herbert Ekwe-Ekwe, Chinweizu, Sonala Olumhense, Odia Ofeimun, Olatunji Dare, Edwin Madunagu, Biodun Jeyifo, Wole Soyinka, Femi Osofisan, Pini Jason, Andy Akporugo, Stanley Macebuh, Fred Onyeoziri, Emevwo Biakolo, Amma Ogan, Sully Abu, Effiong Essien, Ashikiwe Adione-Egom…was like winning a jackpot. Many of us framed the pages, and looked up to the big names.  The times are different today. Our newspapers have stopped serving culture and society and the reader as spaces for great intellection, the tradition of old has been replaced by “opinionitis”, a very dangerous disease which pushes just about anyone to think they can inflict bad prose and thoughts on a vanishing breed of readers anyway. Matthew Kukah’s contributions to public discourse was frequent, and often well-received. He was not afraid of debates or intellectual pugilism.  In those days, one subject on the pages of a newspaper could result in months of rigorous debate, from a multi-disciplinary perspective, by persons who respected each other’s intellect but nevertheless had the capacity to weave words into prose and good sense. This was the tradition that we grew into, from university to the field. Kukah was a major source of inspiration and a good sport. Many of his opinion pieces and extended essays remain timeless. 

Bishop Kukah’s stature began to flower, even more so in his position at the Catholic Secretariat of Nigeria: he was first a Deputy Secretary General, then he became the Secretary-General of the Catholic Secretariat, located in Lagos, directly opposite Tafawa Balewa Square or Race Course as it was originally known.  Under his watch as leader of that Secretariat, it became an important intellectual rendezvous for civil society groups and public intellectuals in the entire Southern Nigeria. Kukah built a very strong relationship with the media, promoting, most actively, both the Catholic Church, and the activities of the Catholic Bishops Conference, focusing on issues of justice, peace and development. When Nigeria descended into chaos in 1993, with the annulment of the June 12 1993 Presidential election, church and society rose against the impunity of the military establishment, and called for an end to military rule and respect for the people’s sovereignty. The majority spoke with one voice that military absolutism had defeated the purpose of good governance and that it was time for the Nigerian military to go. The Catholic Church spoke truth to power on the pulpit and on the streets. Leaders of other churches – the Anglican, the Methodist and Pentecostal Churches also joined the protest.  The. Catholic Secretariat in Lagos served the Catholics as an intellectual power house. Kukah had able lieutenants: Fr. George Ehusani, his then Deputy who would later succeed him as Secretary-General. There were others too: Rev. John Uba Ofei and Rev. Fr. Iheanyi Enwerem. 

On a regular basis, the Secretariat issued press releases and also organized seminars and conferences on various topics of interest with stakeholders brought together to chart the way forward for Nigeria. I was a familiar participant at those Sunday evening sessions. Many of us became so close to the Catholic priests, we began to also talk about liberation theology. Nigerians had been so badly treated many priests felt it was their obligation and ecclesiastical duty to help free the people from the shackles of of oppression. Even when there was no seminar, the doors of the Catholic Secretariat were always open. I later developed the habit of stopping by whenever I was in that part of the city. On a good evening, there was always sumptuous dinner. And the fridge was always full. Beer, wine…And there was Fr. George often twanging away on his guitar, trying out a new song, or reading a poem. He would later succeed Kukah as Secretary General and indeed that period – the Kukah-Ehusani - could be remembered as the golden years of the Catholic Secretariat of Nigeria. Kukah left behind a legacy that raised the profile of the Secretariat and the Church. 

Beyond his public intellectualism and duties as a priest, Bishop Kukah has also been very active within the general community as an agent of peace and promoter of good governance and the common good. He is a compulsive bridge-builder, with friends in virtually every corner, and so well established is he among the political and private sector elite of Nigeria that many of his critics try to take pot-shots at him that he would still need to make up his mind whether he wants to be a priest or a politician. In recent years, through his major project, the Kukah Centre, he has been working in Nigeria’s post-military dispensation to promote the cause of peace, good governance, and stability. The Centre in collaboration with General Abdusalami Abubakar, Nigeria’s last military ruler up until 1999 to date, has jointly promoted a National Peace Committee, which gets politicians before elections to sign peace accords and give undertakings that they would embrace peace, as well as promoting peace in Nigerian communities. Kukah was a member of the National Human Rights Investigation Commission, Nigeria’s equivalent of a Truth and Reconciliation Commission, also known as the Oputa Panel 1999 – 2001, Secretary of the National Political Reform Conference under the Obasanjo administration in 2005, Chairman of the Ogoni-Shell Reconciliation Committee since 2005, and member of the committee for electoral reform, 2007 – 2009.  

In addition to this, Bishop Kukah is a strong advocate for inter-religious harmony, using every opportunity to promote tolerance and peace. For his efforts, he has been appointed to the Pontifical Council for Inter-Religious Dialogue at the Vatican and as Chairman of the Commission on Inter-Religious Dialogue of the Catholic Bishops Conference of Nigeria. He has also enjoyed a level of visibility and influence that many priests can only dream about. He has probably given as many homilies at events organized by other churches as he has done on Catholic occasions. Political leaders seek his counsel. The intellectual class and the commentariat respect him as one of their own. The establishment at state and national levels seek his attention and counsel because they know that he can be trusted to say the truth without fear or favour. He is not a prosperity or attention-seeking priest. He and others like him including those that I mentioned earlier are cut from a different cloth. Priests of his type present a different model from that other Catholic priest: Fr. Ejike Mbaka of the Adoration Ministries in Enugu. It is a measure of the diversity of the Catholic Church that it is even possible to mention an Ejike in a tribute to Bishop Matthew Kukah. As it were, virtually every Nigerian government has learnt to respect Bishop Matthew Kukah. The only exception has been the Buhari administration whose agents and spokespersons recently developed a passion for harassing the priest. He has challenged them to an open debate. They have not been able to take on that challenge. Meanwhile, Kukah has remained unrelenting in his chosen task of speaking truth to power and exposing chicanery, hypocrisy and the stupidity of hegemons no matter how dandified.   

It is not surprising that Kukah is a much sought-after public lecturer. He has given lectures on virtually every important platform in Nigeria, from convocation ceremonies to funerals to anniversaries. He stands out as a consistent man of intellect, with a transparent public spirit. He likes to tell stories: his usual style is to tell a story, catch the attention of his audience with some humour, of course except he is discussing such grim subjects as the killing of his kith and kin in Zango-Kataf in Southern Kaduna or members of his diocese in Sokoto state, or any form of religious persecution, or the failings of the power elite, having learnt the art of choosing his topics with purpose. To mark his 70^th birthday, Bishop Kukah is announcing his plans to build a befitting edifice for the Kukah Centre, one of Africa’s leading policy think-tanks. He and the Centre deserve every possible support on a sustainable basis.  The Centre would be a major legacy offering from a priest who is on way easily to becoming a legend. Ahead of tomorrow’s event, he recently released a book titled Broken Truths: Nigeria’s Elusive Quest for National Cohesion. Author of many articles in academic journals, Kukah remains conscious of his training and exposure as an academic: diploma, University of Ibadan, B.A., Pontifical Urban University, Rome.  M.A., Peace Studies, University of Bradford, (1980), Ph.D, Political Science, University of London (1990), Edward Mason Fellow, Harvard University’s Kennedy School of Government; Rhodes Fellow, St. Antony’s College, University of Oxford, Honorary Fellow, Nigeria Academy of Letters. The harvest from his fecund mind has been rich and impressive including some of the most authoritative books on aspects of Nigerian history such as: Religion, Politics and Power in Northern Nigeria (1993) – perhaps his most seminal work, Religious Militancy and Self-Assertion: Islam and Politics in Nigeria (1997); Democracy and Civil Society in Nigeria (2001); Witness to Justice: An Insider’s Account of Nigeria’s Truth Commission (2011), and Broken Truths (2022).

At 70, Bishop Kukah can reminisce with a strong measure of contentment that he has been able to impact many lives, using his chosen vocation of priesthood to make a difference in the lives of those to whose spiritual health he ministers and the larger community of men and women who have drawn inspiration from his wealth of knowledge, humility and accomplishments. As a person, Bishop Kukah is friendly, kind-hearted and always ready with a listening ear. Nobody has given him any national honour. He probably does not need it. Nigeria’s security agencies have stalked and questioned him. He has been abused and threatened for his no-holds-barred homilies. He has been labelled a religious bigot. He is, however, not afraid of authority figures because of his own commitments to a higher cause and his understanding of the dynamics of power. Those who use power and position to oppress the harmless, do so only for a while until they are reminded of the ephemerality of their advantages. Whatever may have been his travails, Kukah’s critics lay the blame at the doorstep of the ambivalence of his insider-outsider relationship with power and politics. But it can be said of Bishop Matthew Hassan Kukah that he has lived a life entirely of service and that is the best kind of life. He deserves to be celebrated. What we will be celebrating is not material things and the celebrant is not likely to be decked out in flowing babariga or agbada, the accent would be on service, innovation, ideas, goodness, justice, peace and humanism. I join others in wishing Bishop Kukah many happy returns of the day. He is one of the few redemptive figures in a community of pastors and priests where sometimes it is difficult to truly know what has happened to Christian leadership in our land.  To Bishop Kukah: 70 Hearty Cheers!  

City FM is inviting you to a scheduled Zoom meeting.

Programme: CITY TALKS WITH REUBEN ABATI

Time: 12:00pm

Guest: Sunday Asefon (NANS PRESIDENT)

Topic: ASUU and the prolonged Strike

Date: Saturday, August 27, 2022

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“Ko ko Ko.  Pon Pon, Pon. . Helloo oh” 

“Who be dat?” 

“Na me oh?”

“Who be na me? You don’t know your own name? I say who dey there? ” 

“Na me, FEDECO”

“FEDECO? Which FEDECO?  Where you from come?” 

“Open door my friend…Or I break down this door now. You drink, you no know my voice again?. Lagos don turn your head? I say na FEDECO dey for door, you dey ask question?”

“Oh, bros., no vex. You know say the kin Nigeria we dey so, person suppose take caution.  Anybody can just come to your door and call a known name, you open door, dem go kidnap you.”

“Don’t talk like that. Nobody can kidnap you. Have you forgotten that you are the great grandson of the greatest witch of your mother’s kingdom and the chosen spirit on your father’s side who fought the British to a standstill in the battle of… Don’t worry. I forget the battle now but I remember the story…” 

“Bros, you are welcome. In this neighbourhood, people don’t talk about spirts, witchcraft and old kingdoms. I am glad to see you, Uncle..?” 

“So you now know your Uncle FEDECO? You boys think some of us old folks don’t know what is going on. But we do. You met me in this Lagos. I am the Chairman of the Village Association in this town. You don’t come to my house. I decided today to come and visit you. That is how an elder behaves. Where is your wife? Where are your children? You people think you know the world, but you don’t know the world. I, your Uncle…  I have decided to visit you today just to check on you.   Give me something first to welcome me.”

“What do you want Uncle? I am sure I can make it available.” 

“What do I want? Hmmm. Give me bush meat pepper soup! Send your people now and get me bushmeat. You can’t have money in this family and somebody cannot chop pepper soup on top of your head. My sister no born onoder pickin. My friend, bring bush meat pepper soup.”

“Brother, please, no bush meat in this house. We don’t eat pepper soup here.  Let them bring you cold water and beer first. As for bush meat, no no, no. There is Monkey Pox in town. Many countries that have been non-endemic are now endemic, all the way to South America and Continental Europe. Here in Nigeria, where monkey pox is endemic, there have been over 473 cases in 27 states, 172 have been confirmed, six deaths have been reported, and that is the highest rate in this country in 6 years. Bros, you cannot eat bush meat.  I can offer you any other thing.” 

“What kind of monkey talk is that? Is every bush meat monkey?”

“The experts are talking about animal to human transmission that has now become human to human transmission.”    

“That is white man’s talk. That one no dey here. Bush meat. Make dem boil am well well, put maggi, pepper, and all dem dem things make man chop fill belle. Once you burn am, pepper am well, all the virus wey dey the bodi go settle for stomach, na toilet everything dey go so oh.” 

“Bros, let’s be serious. I think all of us should be serious. This was how Nigerians made light of Ebola virus. This is how we continue to joke with COVID-19, and yet many have died. And now everyone is treating monkey pox as a joke. Nobody is even listening.” 

“My sister’s son, nobody will listen. You dey hear me? Nobody trusts these our leaders. This is how they will always come up with one problem or the other to adjust budget and provide allocation for their pockets. Do you know how many people became billionaires because of COVID? That one has gone down now, so na monkey pox be next? The next thing you will hear is that the budget has to be reviewed to accommodate monkey pox. They say it has reached 27 states. Have you seen anyone with monkey pox? Very soon, it will reach 36 states and the FCT and you will not see any evidence. The real monkey pox, they will not address, na fake dem go dey pursue”

“This is not fake bros. It is real. We are talking science.” 

“I agree. You know I am not dumb. I know there is monkey pox, but is it as serious a problem? Yes, I think it is. Should it be addressed? Yes, my mind tells me so. The big problem is that the monkey pox in Nigeria is being misdiagnosed. They are looking for warts and lesions on people’s skins and talking about consumption of bush meat, and animal to human, human to human transmission. If you want to hear me, they should look at the Nigerian economy. That is where we need treatment, and the need to save the people.” 

“I don’t get it”

“What don’t you get? Can’t you see, feel, sense, experience, touch the contagious, transmissible monkey pox in the Nigerian economy?”

“Monkey pox is a medical term. The economy is different.”

“You think I am dumb? And I am saying to you that I understand everything perfectly. The Nigerian economy is a monkey pox economy. Go and think about it deeply. You may not die really, because monkey pox doesn’t have a high fatality rate, but you can spread it through contact, exchange of body fluids. Look at how we are spreading poverty and agony in Nigeria from one sector to another.”

“I am lost”

“You are not lost.  Let me tell you. Inflation is now 19.64 % in Nigeria. Food inflation is 20.02%. Many families can no longer eat bread, or buy tomatoes, or prepare a decent pot of soup. The last time I ate bush meat pepper soup was more than a year ago. I specifically asked for it but instead of you telling me that the country hard, ground no level, pocket empty, and I will understand, you started giving lectures on monkey pox. You think I am stupid? I know even rich people are feeling the monkey pox in this economy. The rich are crying. They can’t get foreign exchange to run their businesses. Airline operators are weeping. Foreign airlines are saying Nigeria is no longer an enabling business environment. Airline Operators of Nigeria (the local investors) are saying they will shut down. Have you not noticed that even young men do not want to marry anymore? The only girls who still get husbands in Nigeria today are the ones from rich homes. Rich men’s daughters have become insurance covers. If you are from a poor home, you are on your own. Nigeria’s social dynamics is changing.” 

“It is basic social dynamics, sir. Human beings will adjust to new realities”

“You are talking textbook. My sister, your mother, is far more practical. I think the problem in this country is not just too much learning by people like you who study abroad at your parents’ expense and then you come back and start pushing ideas and theories that belong to a different society. The big problem is that we have an army of illiterates who grab political power, and have nothing to offer other than the fact that that they are in power. The only luck we have is that the Nigerian people have not yet taken to the streets out of frustration as people have done in Sierra Leone, Sri Lanka, Ghana and other parts of the world.”

“Well, that is the point. The world is passing through a difficult season. All this shall come to pass. My daily work requires me to have a balanced view of issues. I am an intelligence analyst, on a daily basis, guiding senior personnel and institutions.”

“Then tell them, we are not seeing enough intelligence in how this place called Nigeria is managed. Your own Uncle cannot eat bush meat pepper soup? He cannot travel by air anymore? Even to go by train or road is wahala? Bachelors have stopped looking for wives? Go to marriage registries across the country, the crowd has reduced. Did we offend God?”

“That is not a problem. We are too many in any case. Nigeria has a population problem.  We can’t keep condemning everything.” 

“People have a right to marry.”

“Then they should marry reasonably. Bros, you see that my neighbour. You once met him.. He has just one wife and two children. His gateman has four wives and 12 children. How much is his salary? I often walk across to settle quarrels between my neighbour and his wife. But his gateman with his army of dependents living in another man’s compound, you will never hear their voice. They seem to be happy. The owner of the building is in distress. He even threatened to abandon his wife and children. I had to advise him not to do so. Otherwise, his gate man will take over the entire house.”

“You want to hear me? Your neighbour is a stupid man. I pray you don’t end up like him. Me and you go talk dat one later. People like you go and marry these women and turn them into competitors as if you are running an Olympic race and you still want to be a man. When the women begin to show you, instead of you addressing the matter, you would decide to relocate abroad. You become woman wrapper. Idiot-husband. Ode somebody. Efulefu man. But your gatemen, drivers and cooks are the real men. They collect your money, steal from you, borrow from you, live in your compound and they live better. But you – big man! - you can’t control one woman.”

“But you must admit that has nothing to do with your monkey pox theory, bros”. 

“Everything is interconnected” 

“I don’t think so”

“Wait. Wait. Wait. I have not talked about the strike by university workers and all the unions.           

 “They have been treated unfairly. Government has a responsibility to be kind to the intellectual community. They are not asking for too much. Greedy, lazy National Assembly members collect so much money and other benefits, the intellectuals who help to build Nigeria’s skills flow and intellectual base are treated shabbily, paid peanuts and asked to go to hell. What is worse, government is adopting a divide and rule strategy, playing non-academic staff against academics. I like the fact that the university teachers are saying they will not move an inch. They have the right to protest.”

“Oh, God. The kind of books you people read. Are you aware that government is already thinking of banning the Academic Staff Union of Universities (ASUU)? They will ban them now and nothing will happen. They already have an alternative – the CONUA. The Federal Government will not only ban ASUU, they will not pay them for work not done. Many of those your so-called intellectuals will beg by the time they can’t pay their children’s school fees and their wives and in-laws begin to mock them. I even hear some lecturers are beginning to sell this and that. One female lecturer now sells puff-puff. Another lecturer in the North is doing Mai Shayi work. I know one in my neighbourhood who follows his wife to the shop every day. He calls himself a Doctor of I don’t what. Business Administration or Accounting?  The man is now a big-time shop assistant attending to customers in his wife’s pepper soup joint! When Nigeria happens to you, you will learn your lesson the hard way…Look, I am saying all of this because I don’t want you to be like them…”

“What is wrong is wrong. The universities teachers have a case…Even if the Non-Academic staff return to the campuses this week, without the teachers, there will be no students. Even asking students to sue their lecturers makes no sense. Government cannot simply choose to be callous towards a strategic segment of the Nigerian population. When you shut down the country’s education system at the highest level, you shut down the future of the entire country. That is the issue. Many bright academics are leaving the education sector. Terrible brain-drain. Since 2017, ASUU has been on strike for a total of 578 days. In 2020, for 270 days, In 2022, that is, this year, 189 days as of today.”

“The lecturers just want money. Everybody wants money to hedge inflation. Government should just give them enough money to meet their level of greed, and you’d see there would be peace. No be Nigeria we dey?”

“No. This is not about money. That is in fact why ASUU has refused to cave in.” 

“Look, bobo, in this country, everything is about money. Those Union of Electricity Workers who shut down the power grid and feeders on August 17, what do you think they are looking for?... Money!”

“A lot more than that, a close analysis showed.”

“Forget analysis! Everybody is talking about crude oil theft, economic sabotage bla bla. What do you think those behind crude oil theft are looking for?.. Money!”

“Specifically, that is economic sabotage, organized crime and terrorism against the Nigerian state.” 

“You can say what you like, but what I am saying is that the real problem in this country is that everybody is looking for money and struggling for survival. Nigeria today is a struggle for the survival of the fittest. This is what has happened to us. In the last eight years, values have collapsed. Life is so hard. People just want to survive. Why do you think the legislature is just so compliant? Once you give people their own share of the cake, they will be quiet. The only problem is that there isn’t enough to go round.”

“Looks like in this country, nobody is ready to listen. Maybe I should just return to the UK or the States.”  

“You want to Japa? No. No. No. That’s cowardice. Who do you think will look after my sister if you too run away? All your siblings are already abroad. You are the only one here. Don’t mind me, we are just having a discussion. To tell you the truth, this is still the best country in the world oh, with all our wahala. You know you and I are intelligent analysts. Please don’t tell my sister we even had this discussion, I beg. Wey my bush meat pepper soup? 

“No, bros, I only have your usual beer in the fridge.” 

“Bring am, bring am. Wetin I bin dey talk sef.”