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Buhari’s kingdom and the pestilence of Jackals and Hyenas - Ugoji Egbujo

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We now know. The day of the jackal may never come. The Lion King will be back soon. He didn’t die. He is not a vegetable. He won’t come back like some others. He won’t be smuggled back at the night. He won’t come back with simpering smiles and bulging eye balls, fixed on the roof. 


He will come back to rule and reign. Because it’s been written, that he would come to banish the hyenas and expel the jackals. The prayers of weaker animals have been heard. The Jackals and the Hyenas will be banished from the kingdom. We heard from the other room, so we heard from the horse's mouth.


Hyenas and Jackals are African wild dogs. So it’s not surprising Abuja has turned a wonderful habitat. They have a reputation of savagery and opportunism. Humans and dogs, truly, have so much in common. They eat flesh wherever they find it – sick, dying, dead.


They eat voraciously and ferociously. These dogs must have the tenacity and appetite of treasury looters. When there is no flesh they manage whatever they may find. When they are done with any animal they will leave no bits for funeral. The bits are falling into places. They hunt in packs. In other words, they operate like cabals. They can be impatient. Sometimes they do not wait for the prey to die before they start eating.


Their preys are often afforded the opportunity to witness their own dismembering. This is a season of revelations. Interestingly, they can seize the kill of a big cat. That sounds like hijacking a government. Remarkably, they kill old , sick, worn out, toothless lions. Hyenas and jackals must be chased away from the Buhari kingdom now.


It was Shehu Sani who came up with this agricultural ‘hyenas and jackals’ allegory. Shehu must have forgotten he is actually an agricultural engineer. Shehu has metamorphosed. He dresses now like pastors in impeccable suits, silk ties and gleaming shoes. He preaches righteousness like them too. So talks beautifully. But does what he likes, when he likes. The evidence of a swollen purse isn’t only in his swollen cheeks, it’s everywhere in his rampant smiles.


Shehu knows so much about insecticides and deodorants. A few months ago he haughtily dismissed Buhari as a confused Chameleon. He denounced his fight against corruption as dubious. Now Buhari is his lion.  The bold lion that the weaker animals badly to save them , to restore order to a crumbling kingdom. No one knows whether Shehu is a jackal, a chameleon or a praying mantis. Shehu rode like an egret on a cattle to that lucrative office. 


Shehu owes gratitude for a free ride. He is coming back to his senses. Buhari must be a lion. He could be excused for his tantrums. He fixed his fangs on the suspended secretary to the government and the lion started to roar. He had no option but to dare the lion, to call out his hypocrisy. Shehu can be petulant. So he called him a chameleon.


But that was then. It’s not entirely Shehu Sani’s fault. You hang around with pigs for too long you snort when you should whistle. It was Shehu that discovered the jackals and hyenas have stopped praying. He didn’t if they have literally stopped trooping to Aso rock on Fridays. Or if he meant they have given up hopes of the lions return. But he said they have been jostling at night and whispering to themselves during the day. It seemed they had considered the lion moribund and started positioning themselves for a carrion. Shehu was struck by their savagery. They who would have been tumbling over themselves in the temple, out doing one another in servile show of loyalty to the lion. If the lion returns moribund the day of the jackal has come.


But we have heard from the Lioness’ mouth . God is merciful. The last time we heard from the lioness we shuddered. It was through the same BBC Hausa service, that brought us our Eid-el message. Then the lioness was livid. And who wouldn’t be. A bunch of jackals had cornered the kill, hijacked the government.


They made all the strange, confusing, and lopsided appointments. Lioness had been with the lion for 27 years. She had never seen this pretentious hyenas, not at Sallah and not during Christmas. These hyenas were scavenging where they didn’t sow.


They have no voters cards and zero political weight. They were steering the country into a ditch. And she made it clear. She was ready to ditch her husband in 2019 if he retained his baffling impotence against a cabal of hyenas and jackals. Her husband laughed at her. And announced to the world that she was kept in the other room not to interrogate his tigeritude but to perform kitchen duties and bedroom matters.


Then rumours spread that she would be banished from the kingdom. But there are always rumours. We were once told that some jackals had kept husband out of the reach of wife. But she is there now, in the thick of London. Right in the thick of things.


But who are these jackals and hyenas who have been whispering treachery to themselves? Shehu Sani is a bold man but he chose innuendos. Safety first, they say. But I must confess a suspicion. The Kaduna senator has taken to a sensationalism that paints him a caricature of his old self. He appears to have succumbed to the debilitating ailment that troubles all those who take human rights activism as a sole career. He is battling with self righteousness and vindictiveness. His opponents aren’t righteous but they be right in saying that Shehu has become a pulsating bag of grudges.


don’t agree with them but I know noticed changes. He now confuses ego and reason and substitutes public interest with personal interests. So Shehu’s hyenas must include El Rufai. El Rufai Sani insists is tyrannical. Perhaps only a little tyrant will organize Sani’s suspension from the Kaduna APC even if Sani had become a symbol of party indiscipline.


When he goes after El Rufai no principles are sacred. Sani cannot label Saraki a jackal . That could be prohibitively costly. Sani’s new kind of objectivity is cost/benefit compliant. It allows the use of deodorants and perfumes on new distinguished friends, and poisonous insecticides against useless friends and enemies.


We must then look at the more forthright lioness to find the jackals. She once said we could find them on television. She said they have no voters cards. The speed and alacrity with which madam adopted the ‘hyenas and jackals’ allegory tells a story. It hints that pay back time could be upon us. Perhaps its time of redemption for the weaker animals . Her jackals and hyenas must include all those parasitic dogs eating where they didn’t sow, eating what they didn’t kill. If that is acceptable criteria then the one who chiefly organizes and supervises the presidency must be a jackal. El Rufai had named him in his epistle as a remarkably clumsy hyena.


The lioness, I suspect , believes Director is a big jackal. I don’t mean director of radio Biafra. I mean the director that arrests for keeps. It is true he is rarely seen on television. But even roadside forensics have seen his finger prints are everywhere . And there is a strong rumour that he has no voters card.


The senate must have some hyenas and jackals . Their whispers have turned to loud rebellious grumbles of late. There is a sense in which they could be viewed as some of the most pugnacious hyenas readying for the carrion. It’s not certain whether madam thinks Saraki is a jackal. Those who know say he took active part in the kill. But there are different breeds of jackals and hyenas. There is this breed that can hijack what has been hijacked. But who will blame the lioness for labeling anything opportunistic as a hyena?


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